Director: Brendan Cowles, Shane Kuhn
Cast: Leighton Meester, Nicholas D’Agosto, Melora Hardin, Larry Joe Campbell, Lola Glaudini
Screenplay: Brendan Cowles, Shane Kuhn
83 mins. Rated R for strong horror violence and gore, drug use, language and some sexual content.
Well, after the last couple of days, I thought it might be time for a disappointment. Okay, not really, but it still happened.
Drive-Thru is the story of A Nightmare on Elm Street…oh wait, I better start again. Drive-Thru is the story of Mackenzie Carpenter (Leighton Meester, TV’s Gossip Girl, The Judge), a young woman who is losing her friends, one by one, to a sadistic murderous clown named Horny, who takes his garb from the fast food restaurant Hella Burger. Horny is picking off teens with poor insults, bad puns, and also a big meat cleaver. As the bodies pile up, Mackenzie and her boyfriend Fisher (Nicholas D’Agosto, TV’s Gotham, Final Destination 5) learn that her mother Marcia (Melora Hardin, TV’s The Office, Self/less) and the other parents have a horrible secret that links Horny the Clown and Hella Burger directly to Mackenzie.
Wow, I really hate this movie. I hate it so much. The characters are cruel and annoying, the screenplay is overly cliché and riddled with poor dialogue, and the directing by Brendan Cowles and Shane Kuhn is downright dreadful. Now, I do have some defenders among my colleagues who claim that the film is self-aware enough to satire itself. “It’s so bad it’s good!” No, no it isn’t. It’s terrible.
The film is a disappointing remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street in a lot of ways (you might use the term rip-off even), and it can’t even muster to get an accessible and relatable story because Horny the Clown can’t stop making bad puns. Hell, the Leprechaun movies have better puns, and that’s really saying something.
In fact, the only scene in the film that I enjoyed at all is the Morgan Spurlock cameo. I won’t spoil the scene, but suffice it to say that the scene is mildly amusing in an otherwise underwhelming film.
Drive-Thru is awful. I’m thankful I can review it now so that I never have to watch it again. Every part of it is terrible, and the one element that works can’t even save this film’s score.
-Kyle A. Goethe