31 Days of Horror Part II: Day 21 [Bottom 100 Wednesday] – #31: The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961)

Director: Coleman Francis

Cast: Tor Johnson, Conrad Brooks, Douglas Mellor, Barbara Francis, Bing Stafford

Screenplay: Coleman Francis

54 mins. Not Rated.

IMDb Bottom 100: #31 (as of 10/21/2015)

This week, I looked back at a classic (or anti-classic) of the science-fiction horror genre: The Beast of Yucca Flats. This film isn’t actually as bad as it seems. It still is boring as hell and very confusing, but when people have compared it to Plan 9 from Outer Space, I could disagree. Still a terrible film, but we’ll get to that.

Joseph Javorsky (Tor Johnson, Bride of the Monster, Plan 9 from Outer Space) is a defecting KGB agent who has just been hit by a nuclear radiation blast and has now become The Beast, a monstrous man who is murdering the hell out of random strangers. That’s. About. It.

In this film from the terrible writer/director Coleman Francis (Night Train to Mundo Fine, The Skydivers), we get to see an underwhelmingly underdeveloped story with the notoriously terrible Tor Johnson at the forefront. This film doesn’t bother me so much with its many inconsistencies, but more so with the boredom I felt from its 54-minute runtime.

I have very little else to say about this piece of shit. So let’s cover the redeemability…possibly.

But is it Good?

No. Not the worst film of all time, mind you, but rather bad.

Can it be Fun?

I’d keep the MST3K version for fun. The film has almost no dialogue, so you can get the best experience.

The Beast of Yucca Flats is truly awful (Ed Wood levels of awful). Yeah. Real bad.

1.5/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

For more 31 Days of Horror, click here.

October 21, 2015 0

31 Days of Horror Part II: Day 14 [Bottom 100 Wednesday] – #24: Hobgoblins (1988)

Director: Rick Sloane

Cast: Tom Bartlett, Paige Sullivan, Steven Boggs, Kelley Palmer, Billy Frank, Daran Norris

Screenplay: Rick Sloane

88 mins. Rated R.

IMDb Bottom 100: #24 (as of 10/14/2015)

Man, I really though Hobgoblins would be better.

In Hobgoblins, from writer/director Rick Sloane (Blood Theatre, Vice Academy Part 6), we meet Kevin (Tom Bartlett), a new night security guard keeping watch over a movie studio containing several forbidden hallways. However, one of the halls leads to a vault which has been opened, and out have spilled dozens little hobgoblins, creature that kill while making you believe that your innermost dreams are coming true. Now, Kevin is off to stop the little creatures from taking over his small town and steal his girlfriend (who doesn’t even appear to actually like him, just a thought).

I kind of thought that Hobgoblins would be better. Not that I don’t get that it isn’t universally enjoyed. I just thought the tiny creature feature would be a bit of hyper-fun. It still was mildly enjoyable for being such an awful movie, but I wanted more.

Firstly, the performances are terrible. None of these actors ever went on to anything worthwhile and there’s a reason for that: they aren’t any good. Now, they play very well to the horrendous tone of the film. I enjoyed watching them struggle throughout the film, especially Steven Boggs who plays Kyle, a phone sex addict.

Rick Sloane has made many films, and Hobgoblins surprisingly isn’t the worst one. But it isn’t very good either. I’m not entirely sure it belongs on this list.

But is it Good?

Not good, no. But it isn’t the worst film you’ll ever see. Just close.

Can it be Fun?

I think the film is mild fun, but I would suggest viewing it in the MST3K edition.

Hobgoblins is one bonkers film. Bonkers in the sense of bad. There’s little more I can say to sway you on this matter.

1.5/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

For more 31 Days of Horror, click here.

October 14, 2015 1

31 Days of Horror Part II: Day 7 [Bottom 100 Wednesday] – #99: Oasis of the Zombies (1982)

Director: Jesus Franco

Cast: Manuel Gelin, Eduardo Fajardo, France Lomay

Screenplay: Jesus Franco

82 mins. Not Rated.

IMDb Bottom 100: #99 (as of 10/7/2015)

In the spirit of horror and one man’s journey to find the perfect film, sometimes one must sift through the shit to find the treasure, and in that way, we begin a new series today where I scour the worst 100 films of all time (according to the Internet Movie Database) to see if they really are the bottom of the bottom. We begin with #99 on the list in this 31 Days of Horror: Oasis of the Zombies.

It’s tough to even tack down the plot of this garbage pile, but I’ll try. When a young man learns of his father’s murder, he sets off to find hidden Nazi gold that was lost decades earlier during World War II in the African desert. There’s only one catch, others are looking for the gold and they all discover that it is being guarded by the living dead Nazis themselves.

Generally, speaking, I’m going to make this review quicker by talking about the films high points.

There, now that’s settled, and we can talk about low points. The performances suck, the writing is sloppy, and the direction is so foul that I can get lost from shot to shot as to what the hell is exactly going on. The film hasn’t aged well as evidenced by the poor visual representation, and it feels like whole subplots were omitted mid-shoot. I found myself unable to care about any of the leads, and the music ruined every semblance of enjoyment I might have gleaned.

Oasis of the Zombies is, to be clear, awful in just about every way. I cannot be more clear about this.

But is it Good?

No, no it isn’t. Fun is Birdemic: Shock and Terror. Oasis of the Zombies is too poorly put together to be enjoyable in the slightest.

Can it be Fun?

There are a couple ways to liven up the party. First, a standard drinking game. Drink every time someone says “Oasis” (please drink responsibly). Another fun way: the film is foreign-language. Turn down the volume and get funky by creating your own dialogue. It could help.

Oasis of the Zombies absolutely belongs on the list of the worst films of all time. It really really does.

1/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

For more 31 Days of Horror, click here.

October 7, 2015 1