[The Untruth] The Pokemon, Home Alone, and Seinfeld Cinematic Universe

This is The Untruth, a new series of articles examining the craziest theories I have come up while watching movies. But it’s all true, I swear!

Today, we will be examining how the Pokemon Universe actually contains Home Alone and Seinfeld.

I saw Pokemon: Detective Pikachu recently (actual review coming soon), and there two moments that stood out to me. Actually, there were probably a hundred moments, but we are just going to focus on two. The first moment happens when Tim Goodman returns to his father’s apartment to clean it out, and the second is a shared moment in a supply closet/office between Pikachu and Psyduck. Follow me here…

 

Point #1: Angles with Filthy Souls

Tim Goodman arrives at his dead father’s apartment to clean up and get it over with. As he enters the apartment, he hears something playing on the television. His father’s television is playing Angels with Filthy Souls, an old mobster noir film. This film appears in Home Alone as well.

You say, “Big whoop! It’s a classic mobster movie, isn’t it?”

Here’s the ticket: Angels with Filthy Souls isn’t a real movie. It was a fake film only created by the production team behind Home Alone. So if it isn’t real except in the world of Home Alone, then obviously Pokemon: Detective Pikachu exists in that world.

POINT MADE!

 

Okay, okay, okay, but it’s probably just a little fun easter egg for the fanbase, right?

Wrong! Careful consideration was put into placing Angels with Filthy Souls into Pokemon: Detective Pikachu. Sure, it’s a reference to noir films that Harry Goodman liked so much to watch, but is it really? Because according to the Home Alone wiki, the film only really has one scene of note, and it features two gangsters in a duel of wits and weapons. Even the sequel, Angels with Even Filthier Souls, doesn’t feature detectives, nor does the actual film that the title is based on, Angels with Dirty Faces. If it’s only there to denote the noir detective story that Detective Pikachu is, then why not use the myriad of other noir detective films of merit, like The Big Heat or Out of the Past, both featuring great detective characters.

So the choice to put Angels with Filthy Souls on the screen was deliberately to reference Home Alone, not the detective subgenre of noir. Therefore, it exists only in a world where Angels with Filthy Souls exist: The Home Alone Pokemon Cinematic Universe, or The HAPCU.

POINT DEFENDED!

But wait, there’s more…

 

Point #2: Serenity Now, Insanity Later

For those of you that do not spend a lot of time in the Pokemon Universe, Psyduck, the Pokemon partner of Lucy Stevens, is a Pokemon with a lot of power, but in the film, we see that Psyduck’s power breaks free when it becomes too stressed. Pikachu knows this, and tries to calm the concerned and frustrated Psyduck down by saying “Serenity Now” to it.

You say, “Big whoop! I’ve heard people say that before, what of it?”

Here’s the ticket: The phrase Serenity Now only entered the lexicon in the last twenty-some years. Where did it come from? Seinfeld, a show about nothing. Okay, so what does this mean? It means that Pikachu would have to exist in a world with Seinfeld, because there’s no other explanation for this phrasing’s inclusion in the film.

POINT MADE!

 

But I’m not done here, folks…

Because it is possible that the fictional version of Jerry Seinfeld from the television series doesn’t exist in the HAPCU, but instead is a show within the universe. Why would this matter? Because there is another piece of pop culture that contains Seinfeld as an in-universe show. What’s that, you ask?

Curb Your Enthusiasm.

 

Point #3: A pretty…pretty…pretty good argument.

Throughout Curb Your Enthusiasm’s Nine-Season run on HBO (with reportedly more on the way), we’ve seen the fictional version of Larry David credited and known for creating Seinfeld with Jerry Seinfeld. So just like the argument for Angels with Filthy Souls being a fictional film within the Home Alone franchise and the Pokemon franchise, Seinfeld is a fictional show in the Pokemon franchise and the Curb Your Enthusiasm series. If that is indeed the case (which it is), then Pikachu would have to have seen Seinfeld, the television series, created by the Larry David of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Therefore, Pokemon exists in the same universe as Curb Your Enthusiasm.

POINT MADE AND DEFENDED!

 

So what does it all mean?

It means that Pokemon: Detective Pikachu has constructed a fictional universe which contains Kevin McCallister, Larry David, and a talking sentient Pikachu who solves crimes and loves coffee. The Home Alone Pokemon Curb Your Enthusiasm Cinematic Universe, or the HAPCYEUCU for short.

-It means that, if Kevin really wanted to defend his home from the Wet Bandits, he need only a Charizard.

-It means that, if the Wet Bandits really wanted to rob the McCallister home, they could’ve used a Gengar with much better results.

-It means that, if Jerry Seinfeld really wanted to put his girlfriend to sleep so he can play with her toys, he should catch a Jigglypuff and have it sing to her.

-It means that, if Larry David really wanted to use the carpool lane at all times, he should catch a Ditto and then have it transform into a passenger.

 

It’s all so simple now!

And the most important thing, It’s The Untruth. All of it. I swear.

 

-Kyle A. Goethe

[EDITORIAL] Game of Thrones Fans Now Hate Game of Thrones

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR SEASON 8, EPISODE 5: THE BELLS

I’ve been enjoying Game of Thrones for a large portion of its 8th and final season. I’ve had a few issues overall, most notably for me is seemingly the misuse of Bronn. He’s had two scenes in the last run of episodes and I didn’t really believe that Cersei would trust him with the mission of killing her brothers. Hopefully there will be something redeemable in the last episode with him.

But that’s not really what I want to talk about today. Today, I’d like to address the complete turning of GoT’s fanbase in the course of five episodes. We are going to go through this a piece at a time, so bear with me while we discuss.

*Something I wanted to add before we get all spoilery with GoT talk is that I am completely fine with fans and viewers being frustrated that the show didn’t go in the direction they expected/wanted, but my argument has to do with those who flat-out condemned the series in Season 8 without having the full vision of the season. That being said…

 

Episode 801: Winterfell & Episode 802: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms

Really, the fan frustration for these two episodes is rather silly and stupid, but it needs addressing. Fans complained nonstop about the lack of episodes in Season 8 before the premiere even aired, and they were especially mad that the first two episodes of Season 8 were the normal run time while the last four episodes would be Super-Sized episodes. Then, upon the airing of each of these dialogue and character-driven episodes, fans voiced anger at the fact that no major action or battles took place. I guess this was something I kind of expected, but I was shocked to find so many people lashing out at lack of action in a show that is mostly talking and politics.

 

Episode 803: The Long Night

When the third episode of Season 8, The Long Night, was about to air, I voiced my excitement. This was, after all, what the fans had been longing for all season, and it was a potential culmination (in a post Avengers: Endgame world, what does culmination even mean anymore?) of 8 seasons of the Night King’s slow-spreading disease of an invasion. Here it was for all of us in all its glory. But then everyone hated it.

The hate erupted from a variety of different issues, but the main one was the lighting of the episode. Most of The Long Night was, well, dark. Too dark for some. I was watching on a Standard Definition broadcast, and I can tell you that I didn’t really have a problem with the lighting. I found the episode to be dark, but also, I found it to be one of the most stressful television experiences I have ever had. 80-some minutes of non-stop carnage with many of my favorite characters right in harm’s way for a bulk of the time. It was difficult to watch, but at no point did I miss any of the main character deaths. There were times when I turned to the others in my room and ask who that was that died, but I think that added to the experience. Yes, we had to turn out all the lights in the room and draw the shades, that much is true, but I felt like was part of the experience.

There were other problems, too, many of which I just didn’t have a problem with and some I was able to find a good explanation for even if I would have done it differently. Viewers were angry that Ghost didn’t get much attention in the episode, and he seemingly disappeared early on in the battle, leaving his fate unknown until the following week. I understand that CGI is expensive on network TV and if less Ghost means more dragons, then I’m all for it (although I would have just killed Ghost off seasons ago if I knew that to be an issue).

Some had a problem with Arya Stark killing the Night King. I didn’t understand the problem and was surprised that she did it. I had expected it to be Jon Snow and was quite happy to be wrong. There were some who called out how crazy it is that she was able to get to the Night King at all with his many followers in tow, but I recall Arya sneaking her way into the godswood previously in the storyline, and it’s a setup that works just fine for me. There was also the question of how easily the army of the dead was dispatched, but knowing that the Night King is the only one in need of dispatching in order to stop the whole army, I expected a somewhat out-of-nowhere ending to the saga of the dead (and again, I would have never let the Night King anywhere near Winterfell if he’s the only one you need to kill).

Episode 804: The Last of the Starks

Okay, so I had a few problems with The Last of the Starks, but I should stress that none of them took my enjoyment from me.

As it came down to it, I really wanted Jon and Dany to get together officially. Yeah, they are related, but that didn’t seem to be too much of a problem in GoT, right? This episode actually served to fracture that relationship further, and it did so quite well, putting the problem that faces Jon before him and having him struggle with it because that sort of thing doesn’t happen in the North. A brilliant way of complicating matters, one I hadn’t really thought of.

There was the issue of the death of Rhaegal, the second of Dany’s dragons. People didn’t like that no one could see the fleet of Greyjoy vessels hiding out and waiting, but I would invite you to watch the scene again. There’s enough suspension of disbelief here.

Then again, I agree that many of our leads have been making somewhat foolish decisions this last season. They are underestimating Cersei as a villain, a very bad idea, or so I thought. My issue is from the idea that Cersei proves to be a faulty strategist this season. She sent Bronn to kill Jaime and Tyrion, two men who have been friends with the sellsword, knowing his allegiance was to whoever offered more. This led to the most underwhelming sequence in the season, or perhaps series.

There’s the issue of the death of Missandei, and again, I only really take issue with the question of how everyone learned she had been taken by Euron’s fleet. If Grey Worm doesn’t know what happened, who would? Many critics of the episode pointed out that Missandei’s whole role here is to support other character arcs. I would argue that Missandei had a pretty nice little arc across her time in the series, and I feel like that arc was pretty close to completion. There’s also the saying that Characters Serve Story, and Missandei was meant to fuel us toward Dany’s eventual choice that we would come to see in the following episode.

 

Episode 805: The Bells

Okay, so here we are. The most recent episode seems to be the most hotly-debated and criticized. I will count myself as someone, going into the episode, have just rewatched the previous two, who believed that Dany would make the right call. I knew the decision would be upon her, and I felt like she would make the right call for decency. This is a choice, after all, that she has been given before. But after the “twist,” as some have called it, in which Dany decides to burn King’s Landing to ash and all those within its walls, I began to rethink myself, and though I wish this decision was given more time to fester and play out, I got it. I saw the many times in Dany’s arc on the show where she was given the option for mercy and decided against it. Add to that her most trusted allies leaving her one by one. Jon rejects her, unable to cope with that whole Targaryen incest thing. Jorah and Missandei are killed, as are two of her dragons. Tyrion fails her. Varys plots behind her back. Dany sees herself as alone. Just her and Drogon against the world.

But if you look back, you will see that this Mad Queen scenario is earned several times. When Dany loses her brother Viserys, she does not mourn him. Yes, he is a monster, but he is also her brother, a man she always thought to be her eventual husband (due to that nasty inbreeding thing). She often threatens to burn opposing cities to the ground in pursuit of the iron throne, and she regularly uses her dragons in a showcase of power.

The only issue with this whole season has been the pacing (and also Bronn, I mean, c’mon!), the way events feel so rushed, but we are down to the endgame here and small character building moments earlier have paved the way for the rushing now, and many of these moments were earned.

 

Look, I’m not trying to tell you that your opinion isn’t valid. If you haven’t enjoyed this season of Game of Thrones, I understand, but don’t go attacking the writers or the producers or HBO for it. Take second to really think about where the series is headed, and do some looking back for these setups.

I personally believe that, upon the series completion, with a complete rewatch knowing the beginning, middle, and end will do wonders for anyone doubting the show. At the very least, see how it all plays out before you jump to any conclusions about the quality of the season.

And if you are being a toxic fan, fucking stop it.

 

-Kyle A. Goethe

Kyle’s Top Ten Most Anticipated Films of 2019

Well, 2018 is done. What do we do now? Talk about 2019.

Just a couple of quick notes again this year:

  • This list is most anticipated, not what I think will be the best by any stretch. These are the films I’m most looking forward to as of right now, so there will be more blockbusters than indies because that’s just how it plays out. With that being said…

NOTE: I’M GOING TO TRY THE COUNTDOWN THIS YEAR RATHER THAN JUST A LIST.

 

10. Captain Marvel

-What excites me so much about Captain Marvel is its timing. This will be Marvel’s second true prequel in setting the film in the 1990s. I like the idea that this film could tie into Avengers: Infinity War and Guardians of the Galaxy. I love Brie Larson and I think her addition to this story is very exciting. This just feels like a great space adventure that we are less likely to get for some time now that the third Guardians film has kind of disappeared. This one is a blockbuster want for me.

 

9. Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

-I’m happy that Guillermo del Toro has a Best Picture under his belt so he can do what he wants. One of the exciting projects from him in 2019 is Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, based on the popular horror story collections for youths. I grew up reading these stories and they gave me chills and have kept me awake at night. I chose this over Nickelodeon’s big-screen version of Are You Afraid of the Dark? because I think del Toro will push the horror whereas I worry that Nick will not take the horror seriously. We are seeing a small possibility of scary children films due to The House with a Clock in its Walls in 2018. This one excites me.

 

8. Pokemon: Detective Pikachu

-This is the batshit crazy film of 2018. Until I saw the trailer, I was not looking forward to it. Why would you choose to make the first live-action Pokemon about Detective Pikachu instead of a traditional Pokemon story? Why would you select Ryan Reynolds to voice Pikachu? Why? Well, the trailer seemed like a lot of fun. I’m still not sure about the film as a whole, but I want to support a Pokemon film universe, and if that starts with Detective Pikachu, so be it.

 

7. Pet Sematary

-This new adaptation of Stephen King’s classic novel (it’s my wife’s favorite King novel) is getting me very excited. As much as I enjoy the original adaptation, I have to admit that it didn’t follow the masterful source material as much as it could. This new film features the incredible Jason Clarke and John Lithgow, and the first trailer got me going. I love the look of Church the cat, and I love the visual look of the film overall.

 

6. Glass

-Where the hell did Glass come from? How did this happen? When Split came out, nobody expected the [SPOILER ALERT] twist that Split was connected to Unbreakable. Nobody expected that this would further in a third film called Glass which would bring together Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson, James McAvoy, and Anya Taylor-Joy for a final confrontation. Glass is one of the most unexpected films of the last few years, and I’m overjoyed to see what it brings.

 

5. It: Chapter 2

It was a film that surprised everyone. I enjoyed the trailer even though the first images were lacking that bite. Director Andy Muschietti brought a much more emotional experience to the film than I expected, and while it doesn’t contain literal translations of some of King’s massive tome, it does translate the feeling and tone of the book quite nicely. Breaking It into 2 films is strange because a bulk of the film is set during the childhood, so I’m curious where it could go with that. The second half of the 1990 miniseries is where it loses me, so Muschietti has a lot on his plate for this follow-up.

 

4. Avengers: Endgame

-Okay, this had to be on here somewhere, right. It’s a testament to the great plate of films we have before us in 2019 that Avengers 4 is below three other films. Yes, we have to find out how this thing finishes. We knew a lot of where Avengers: Infinity War was going to travel, but I have no idea where we go from here. Yes, I feel like we will have a lot of the third film reversed, but I cannot deny the palpable excitement for this one.

 

3. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

-When Quentin Tarantino makes a film, I get excited. When he sets it in the 1960s, I get more excited. When he compares it to Pulp Fiction, I lose my freaking mind. Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Margot Robbie star in this new film from the master which also features Al Pacino in his first collaboration with Tarantino. Not much is known still but I cannot wait.

 

2. Us

-In about 3 minutes, Us became one of my most-anticipated films of 2019. That trailer. That trailer! Oh! I was already looking forward to this follow-up from the director of Get Out, and then I saw that trailer. His usage of popular music in a horror setting with some oozingly creepy imagery is what made me most excited for this film, and it comes out on my birthday too. So much win.

 

1. Star Wars: Episode IX

-C’mon, you had to know this. It’s been called the culmination of the Skywalker saga, and it brings back J.J. Abrams who killed it with The Force Awakens. After The Last Jedi (my favorite of the new films), I simply cannot wait to see where this new film goes, and it just has so much riding on it. It has to be Star Wars. It’s my most anticipated film of 2019.

 

So there you have it. What are you most excited to see in 2019? Let me know/Drop a comment below!

-Kyle A. Goethe

Kyle’s Top Ten Films of 2018

 

Hey there everyone!

What a year 2018 has been, both personally and in the world of movies! Now, as the year draws to a close, I’m ready to take a look back and see which films made the cut of my personal Best of 2018.

Now for some stipulations and notes:

-I did not see every film to come out in 2018. I tried my best, but I was very busy this year and some films just flat out were missed. So if you don’t see something on this list, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t belong. It just means I may have missed it…or it doesn’t belong.

-This is my personal selection of films from the year. These are not predictions for Best Picture at the Oscars or anything like that. Some films may have different placings than they would if I just ordered them by score, and some of them may have been flawed, but I just enjoyed them enough to look past it.

-Lastly, this is one of the first years in a while that my list feels so fluid. Don’t take my rankings too harshly as just about any one of these films could potentially have been a #1 film. It was a good year. Not a great year…a good year.

 

Alright, without further fluff, let’s dive right in…

 

  1. First Man

-Damien Chazelle knocks it out of the park again in this biopic of Neil Armstrong and the NASA Space Program leading up to that fabled first step on the moon’s surface. It’s a long movie covering many of the trials and tribulations of the race to space, but it spends most of its time with Armstrong, played brilliantly by Ryan Gosling. It’s a subtle nuanced performance that isn’t acting larger-than-life but stays true to its subject. The film spends some time asking the questions of value and cost in this race to the moon, and everything is a lens through which to understand our lead. We get great supporting work from Claire Foy, Jason Clarke, and Corey Stoll who plays to Buzz Aldrin’s particular brand of sarcastic wit quite nicely. For those of you that missed this one in IMAX, I feel very sorry for you, because the scenes on the moon’s surface took my damn breath away.

 

  1. If Beale Street Could Talk

-I loved Moonlight when it came out. I was so swept away in the style and simplicity of the story. Director Barry Jenkins has done it again with his character drama If Beale Street Could Talk. While not as strong as his previous outing, this is still top-notch filmmaking and incredible character-driven storytelling. The love story between Fonny and Tish is so emotional, and the performances from Stephan James and newcomer Kiki Layne bring that love out in such a beautiful way. The film is filled with terrific performances from Regina King, Colman Domingo, Michael Beach, Aunjanue Ellis, and so many more. The ending left me frustrated but not with the filmmaker for he did craft an ending meant to make you talk and get the conversation going. It’s a beautiful character piece.

 

  1. Green Book

-If there’s one thing to say about Green Book, it’s that the film from Peter Farrelly is wholly enjoyable throughout. That’s not a normal way to describe the story of two men from different races touring the Deep South in the 1960s, but it works. You can call it surface-level enjoyment if you wish but I call it great character-driven storytelling. Much like If Beale Street Could Talk, the performances are where this film thrives, particularly from its lead actors, Viggo Mortensen and Mahershala Ali. They are both flawed humans with real fears and desires who come together with great chemistry to create a lasting friendship in this heartwarming tale. This is a movie that will make you think while it entertains you.

 

  1. Ready Player One

-Look, Ready Player One is perhaps more flawed than the previous films on this list, but it didn’t take away from my overall enjoyment with the film. It continues to grow on me the more I watch it and I find myself going back to it a lot in 2018. It’s a fun adventure dipped in nostalgia. This film is Steven Spielberg making a sundae and putting all the toppings on. The most important factor in the film is that it is just a damn fun time that captures the spirit of the source novel while going to some wildly different places. I enjoyed both the book and film as two sides of the same coin. Ready Player One leaves me with a big damn smile on my face every time I watch it.

 

  1. A Quiet Place

-I’m starting to see a theme in many of these films for my Top Ten. Character. Yes, there’s some high-concept in some, and A Quiet Place definitely has high-concept, but it’s all there to serve character and story. The family dynamic in A Quiet Place works so well, it would make the film watchable even if the sci-fi/horror aspects of the film did not. Thankfully, this is not the case. This is a tense film with real situations set against an impossible world, but it’s because I care about this family that A Quiet Place brings out just as many tears and shrieks. John Krasinski should be given for his terrific direction in addition to his work as male lead.

 

  1. A Star is Born

-There’s something magical to A Star is Born. We are looking at the fourth official version of this tale, and yet somehow this incarnation has connected with the audience in such a special way. Maybe it’s Bradley Cooper’s strong first outing as a director, or maybe it’s his hauntingly powerful performance as Jackson Mayne, a struggling fading star, or maybe it’s Lady Gaga’s powerhouse work as Ally, a rising star. You can give me all the crap for praising Gaga’s acting in this film, and you can say that she plays herself, but I heard a colleague point out that she gets on the stage to perform her first song and she’s absolutely terrified, something that Gaga would not be or likely hasn’t been in some time. She’s acting her ass off here, and it shows. Yes, the film finds itself in a lot of the same familiar beats we’ve seen before, but it’s been said many times that all stories have been told and what matters is how you tell it. I love how this story is told.

 

  1. Annihilation

-Alex Garland’s follow-up to Ex Machina is a sci-fi/horror masterpiece. It’s a beautiful striking moving painting filled with horrific and dazzling imagery. The story, about a group of scientists exploring a strange area called The Shimmer where biology, chemistry, and physics are unlike anything known to human understanding. This is a thinker of a movie, but it haunted me for days and I couldn’t stop telling people to see this movie. It likely isn’t for everyone, but I would encourage you to seek it out and give it a try. This is a What-The-Fuck movie experience for the ages that I haven’t seen since 2001: A Space Odyssey.

 

  1. Hereditary

-You know something? Screw anyone who says there isn’t enough great horror these days. Horror is on such an incredible ride in recent years, and there’s probably enough good horror for its own Top 10 list for 2018, and Hereditary would be at the top. Led by a career-best performance from Toni Collette, Hereditary is a shocking and disturbing story of loss, grief, and madness, all centered around a family caught in something out of their control. Beyond the shock of some of the film’s more frightening moments, there are some truly horrific moments of character development. This movie’s strengths cannot be understated and it is truly sad that Collette’s more of a long shot to the Best Actress Nomination this year because she without a doubt deserves. The only tiny complaint I have with the film is that it over-explains itself at the end, but it is merely a nitpick and actually saved a friend’s enjoyment of the film, so what do I know?

 

  1. Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

-As I’ve said before, the movies that will likely be most remembered in 2018 are the Feel-Goods, and Won’t You Be My Neighbor? is at the top of that list. This documentary about the life of Fred Rogers is stunningly heartfelt and masterfully executed. It is a viewpoint of the man’s life, his beliefs, his goals, and his dreams, and it brought me back to moments in my childhood, memories that I shared with someone through a television set. I welled up with tears at several points in the narrative and connected with the film on so many levels. What makes this film stand out from others this year is that it asks its audience to take part in it near the end, asking us how we can be more like Fred, and I think it connects us with an incredible human being on a personal level, a touching tribute to a beloved neighbor.

 

  1. BlacKkKlansman

-Spike Lee is the best he’s ever been with BlacKkKlansman. You heard me. The best he’s ever been. I loved Do the Right Thing, but this film just barely edges it out for so many reasons. It’s an incredible well-acted film, especially from John David Washington, Adam Driver, and Topher Grace. The screenplay and editing have turned this so-crazy-it’s-true story into something even more timely given the current state of the country. Lee makes it quite known what he wants his film to evoke and the finale of the film left my jaw on the floor. As soon as I left the theater, I wanted to turn back around and see it again. Spike Lee knows his craft so well that he is able to fuse lighthearted comedy into the shocking tale of a black cop infiltrating the Ku Klux Klan, and this film is his masterpiece. It’s the best movie of 2018.

 

So there you have it. These are my favorite films of the year. I’m looking forward to the #2019oscardeathrace to begin, and the list may change a bit once that happens. No one sees everything. What is your Top Ten of 2018? I’d love to hear it! Thanks again for a great 2018, and we will see you in 2019 (which is right now).

 

-Kyle A. Goethe

 

 

For more Almighty Goatman,

 

Kyle’s Top Ten Most Anticipated Films of 2018

 

Since I’ve already seen one of 2018’s releases, I’m probably a little late on presenting my most anticipated list for 2018. Don’t worry, it hasn’t changed much. Let’s start off with a note:

  • This list is more anticipated, not what I think will be the best by any stretch. These are the films I’m most looking forward to as of right now, so there will be more blockbusters than indies because that’s just how it plays out. So, with that being said…

 

NOTE: THIS IS NOT A COUNTDOWN BUT A LIST.

 

Annihilation

-I thoroughly enjoyed director Alex Garland’s Ex Machina from 2015, and on that film alone, I cannot wait to see Annihilation. Garland has had a run of pretty solid work in the last few years, and getting top talent like Natalie Portman and Oscar Isaac involved is only making this more hyped for me. I don’t know much about the film’s plot outside of the lone trailer I’ve seen, but getting a chance to see a great storytelling weave a yarn in his own sandbox is always a great thing.

 

Pacific Rim: Uprising

-I’m very sad that Guillermo del Toro isn’t returning to helm the sequel to his underappreciated Pacific Rim, but that’s what it took to get The Shape of Water, so what can you do? At least he is staying on in a producer role and the franchise is continuing. I’m not sure how to feel about Uprising as the film looks drastically different from the original, but John Boyega playing Idris Elba’s son looks interesting enough, and genre favorite Steven S. DeKnight behind the camera is setting the film up for success. I’m very excited to see an expanding of this mythology and more Jaeger/Kaiju action.

 

Ready Player One

-I’m just starting the book right now, and the trailers for Steven Spielberg’s Ready Player One have been fascinating. I just don’t know how to feel but the film looks bonkers. There is absolutely no reason not to be excited for more Spielberg but this one feels so familiar and yet so different from what we’ve seen recently from the director. As long as there are enough weird Easter Eggs, I guess I will keep plenty busy at this one.

 

God Particle

-Yeah, this one was on my list for 2017, but it got bumped back. God Particle is all but confirmed to be the next Cloververse film after Cloverfield and 10 Cloverfield Lane. Since I loved both of its predecessors and I enjoy dissecting theories about this quasi-anthology, God Particle should be a fun and interesting ride.

 

Avengers: Infinity War

-What do I say that hasn’t already been said? Almost 20 films in and we are getting this massive film. I have no words. I doubted that this franchise could or would work, and I was wrong. Pop in Black Panther and Ant-Man & the Wasp (I didn’t want to have more than one franchise installment on this list but I’m stoked for all three) and this should prove to be another exciting year for the MCU.

 

Solo: A Star Wars Story

-All the drama behind-the-scenes has made me rather nervous for Solo, but I trust the minds at Lucasfilm because I’ve enjoyed all three Star Wars adventures since their acquisition by Disney, so I trust that they acted at the right time installing Ron Howard as the new director to fix this anthology film. What does make me nervous, though, is the lack of the trailer with only four months to go.

 

Deadpool 2

-I elected to pick Deadpool 2 over The New Mutants and Dark Phoenix because of how surprising the original Deadpool was in 2016. With the shuffling around behind the camera, the exit of Tim Miller, and the addition of David Leitch, it is interesting to see how this one plays out. If the teaser or short that were released are any indication, I think we are in good hands here.

 

The Predator

-Trust me when I say that all of my excitement for this film is riding on Shane Black. I always love a new Predator film, but Shane Black is the reason this is on the list. I love Black’s storytelling sensibilities from his writing of the greatest action film of all time (yeah, I’m calling it for Lethal Weapon) but also his work as a director with Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Iron Man 3, and The Nice Guys. Some people aren’t aware that Black even co-starred in the original Predator, so he has a good tie to this series.

 

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them was quite a surprise. I love Harry Potter, but the idea to expand the mythology with an adaptation of a textbook was weird. Turns out, J.K. Rowling has a few more stories to tell. The flaw with the first film, though, was Johnny Depp’s cameo as Gellert Grindelwald. I didn’t like his appearance and I don’t have as much faith in him as an actor, so seeing him take on the second-biggest villain in the Harry Potter universe was an odd choice. With The Crimes of Grindelwald, Depp will be taking on a much larger role, so I’m interesting if a little nervous to see what comes of it.

 

Mortal Engines

-Though the trailer didn’t have much to offer (as the film is still about a year out), seeing Peter Jackson’s name onscreen again is always a welcome sight. He’s taking on a producer and screenwriter role this time with Mortal Engines, an adaptation of the novel series by Philip Reeve. Jackson and his team are incredible writers, so a nice foundation to this film is enough to spark my interest. We will have to wait for another trailer to see how it is all shaping up, but Mortal Engines has a lot on its plate.

 

So there it is. What film are you most excited for in 2018? Let me know/drop a comment below.

 

-Kyle A. Goethe

 

 

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Kyle’s Top Ten Worst Films of 2017

 

2017 is over, and as we hang for a moment on some of the best movies to come out of 2017, we must also take minute to recognize the stinkers. The real poopoo.

And there were a lot of stinkers. Here, today, I’ve put together my list of the ten films that I felt are the worst of the year. Keep in mind:

  • I didn’t see every bad movie in 2017. This is a list of the worst films I saw. I didn’t see The Emoji Movie. I just…I couldn’t.
  • This list includes films that were downright bad, but I also placed them on the list if they had wasted potential or were overall disappointing.

Alright, let’s get this over with…

 

(Dis)Honorable Mentions

The Mummy

The Mummy isn’t an absolutely terrible movie. My biggest frustration is that it has wasted potential and puts the cart before the horse. This movie isn’t a mummy movie. It’s like one of those prequel comic books that studios release before their actual movie. It suffers from being too much world-building when it should just be a good movie. Leave the world-building for post-credits scenes for now. It’s not a bad thing to use the Marvel model. But instead, they threw a bunch of shit at the wall to see what stuck. The other problem? This isn’t a horror film. It’s an action film. If you are doing a Dark Universe, make it scary or at least unnerving. This is a Tom Cruise vehicle that drives right off the cliff. And I’m pissed, because the Dark Universe can work.

 

Atomic Blonde

Atomic Blonde’s action set pieces are some of the best I’ve seen all year. The problem is when the action starts. Charlize Theron’s Lorraine Broughton is underdeveloped, it has too many villains (and not a single one compelling in the slightest), it’s twist is underserved, and the framing device is far more interesting than the story it is framing. The style works and the music choices make for a fun time, but when the spy plot doesn’t earn its reveals, it’s a big waste from start to finish, and this director and cast deserve a whole lot better than this.

 

  1. Rings

-I saw Rings early last year, and you know, there are some good scenes. Like 1% of the movie. The rest is convoluted boring dreck that isn’t scary, doesn’t update the mythology, and worst it all, doesn’t make any damn sense! Three opening scenes and none of them really work. A twist-ish of an ending that wasn’t interesting (and it was in the trailer). The plot points are clichés taken from better films and Samara isn’t compelling. It also ran on forever. Forever. Forever…Rings was, from beginning to end, a terrible movie, one that should’ve stayed unreleased.

 

  1. Snatched

-The cardinal sin of Snatched is that it’s just plain unfunny. I recall giggling slightly at the film’s final joke, and that gleefulness may have just been my knowledge that the film was coming to a close. I love Goldie Hawn but she gets overshadowed by the far less funny Amy Schumer. Overall, I waited for Snatched to get good. I waited a long time. But the movie was so strung together by a dull plot and unlikable characters that my waiting didn’t get me anywhere. Snatched is disappointingly unfunny.

 

  1. Rough Night

-Not only is Rough Night unfunny, it is a shell of a better plotline. We’ve seen this played out before in films like The Hangover and Very Bad Things, but those movies were funny. Rough Night is a rough watch because the story sets itself up for comedy that never shows up. Scarlett Johansson is woefully miscast and it almost feels like she is aware of that as she constantly appears bored. The rest of the cast play flat friend archetypes. Rough Night never seems to work and some of the comedy is so bad it feels cringe-worthy at times. It just doesn’t work.

 

  1. Fifty Shades Darker

Fifty Shades Darker learns nothing from its predecessor. It is supposed to be this erotic masterpiece of passion and sensuality, and it is so boring. The chemistry is virtually nonexistent, the plot has been done better in soap operas, and the ending. Dear God, the ending is so bad. I guess it shouldn’t surprise me, as the rest of the film was nothing to be happy about, but I felt as though James Foley on board as director was at least a good sign. Foley gets nothing to do with a shit screenplay from Niall Leonard based on a shit book from E.L. James. Garbage.

 

  1. Sleepless

Even Jamie Foxx couldn’t keep his mouth shut about how bad Sleepless is. For the sheer number of solid actors in this film, the movie is just…awful. I can’t blame you if you have no idea that Sleepless was even a movie in 2017, but it was, and I suffered through it so you wouldn’t have to. You’re welcome. Maybe the film would be even marginally likable if at least one character were marginally likable. Dirty cops, broken families, and a flat villain. I always say that you don’t need to have likable characters if they are at least interesting. Well, guess what? No one is that interesting here either. Skip it.

 

  1. The Bye Bye Man

The Bye Bye Man wastes Doug Jones. That’s just about the worst thing you can do. Doug Jones is magnificent, and when The Bye Bye Man is actually oscreen, he is pretty menacing, but a cliché, boring, laughably bad screenplay is the building block for your horror film, you are set up for failure. The first scene in the film is somewhat compelling, and then you put the pieces together, and then you hate it. Lastly, who the hell came up with this title? What a stupid creature name! Ugh.

 

  1. Rock Dog

-I remember nothing of Rock Dog. Good for me, bad for the film. Seriously, I recall thinking to myself the whole time that this was a shitty knockoff of Kubo and the Two Strings, and I sat there for far too long as the film sputtered and died in front of me. I have nothing more to say.

 

  1. Before I Fall

Before I Fall might be one of the funniest movies of the year. That being said, the comedy comes from all the serious parts of the film, and the moments meant to bring lightheartedness to the film are ugh-worthy. This poorly-plotted and simple take on the Groundhog Day/Edge of Tomorrow model is so melodramatic that I couldn’t sit still in my theater seat. I wanted so desperately for the film to be over. No one is likeable/no one is interesting.

 

  1. The Abduction of Jennifer Grayson

-The way this little indie portrays Stockholm Syndrome borders on the offensive, and that’s coming from a guy who is never offended. This shockingly stupid film stars James Duval of Independence Day fame. Oh, you don’t recognize his name? Yeah, there’s a reason for that. I watched The Abduction of Jennifer Grayson before going on a long trip out of town, and the trip felt like it took up less of my time than this movie. When you tuck yourself in at night, be thankful that you haven’t seen this pile of shit.

 

  1. All Eyez on Me

-Well, more proof that just because you look the part doesn’t mean you can act the part. All Eyez on Me runs over the two-hour mark but it feels like a Tupac miniseries that someone scrunched into a film and then dropped a deuce on. There is nothing to say of merit to this movie. Yes, Tupac uses an iPhone in this 90s-set biopic. Yes, Jada Pinkett Smith called out the film’s historical inaccuracy. Yes, it has cars from the 2000s in it. Beyond all the issues with the film from a technical aspect, I was flat-out bored from beginning to end here, and there’s not a single piece of this movie that would make it commendable. It’s the worst film of 2017.

 

 

So there it is. These are the worst films of 2017. I’m glad that’s over.

Is there something missing here? What did you think was the worst film of 2017? Let me know/Drop a comment below!

 

-Kyle A. Goethe

 

 

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Kyle’s Top Ten Films of 2017

 

Hey folks, another year has come and gone and here we sit, at the end of it, looking back on what was. 2017 had some truly great films and I’m going to count down my top ten today.

Just a couple notes before we get into all this:

  • These are my personal top ten films of the year from the many I have seen. I judge the films from my list in their success as a film in what they are trying to accomplish.
  • I haven’t seen all the movies released in 2017. If you read this list and find that something is missing, let me know, drop a comment, and start the conversation. Everyone loves a good recommendation.
  • Due to some of the heavy-hitters of Oscar season still on the way, this is a tentative list and it will change as more limited release films open up.

There, with all that out of the way, my Top Ten Films of 2017.

 

  1. Wind River

-I was not entirely excited about Wind River. That’s not to say anything wrong about the marketing, but I didn’t know anything about it and, living in an area with intense cold several months of the year, I wasn’t all that interested to see it in the summer. Thankfully, my other plans fell through and I ended up at the theater. Wind River is the powerful tale of a murder on an Native American Reservation and the unlikely duo who team up to solve the mystery. It’s been said a lot but this is Jeremy Renner’s best performance of his entire career. Screenwriter Taylor Sheridan (Hell or High Water, Sicario) jumps into the director’s chair this time around and crafts a tightly-paced and shocking look at these characters and their world. It’s emotional, exciting and thought-provoking in every stroke.

 

  1. Star Wars: The Last Jedi

The Last Jedi is an incredible new addition to the Star Wars lore for the simple fact that it surprised me. I haven’t been genuinely surprised in a Star Wars film since The Empire Strikes Back. Writer/Director Rian Johnson created a follow-up that subverts expectations while simultaneously honoring what has come before and driving forward on a new path. Not everyone loved it (someone once said that the people who hate Star Wars the most are the fans) but I enjoyed it for all the reasons that others didn’t love it. It’s exciting, emotional, and funny, and I cannot wait to see it again.

 

  1. Thor: Ragnarok

-With Thor: Ragnarok, Director Taika Waititi and Marvel Studios have given the public the closest thing to a new Flash Gordon that we are likely to get. A rollicking 80s road-trip style space movie with everyone’s favorite god of thunder and his pal the Incredible Hulk,  Ragnarok embodies the best of what the MCU has to offer, an incredibly fun and riveting blast of a film that stands on its own while contributing to a larger narrative. In Hela, we get an interesting villain with ties to Thor, and new characters like The Grandmaster, the Valkyrie, and Korg keep the thrills light and fluffy.

 

  1. Okja

Okja is one of the best films that Netflix has ever released. It is a strange tale, a unique tale, a funny-at-times tale, and a heartfelt tale. It’s the story of a girl and her superpig Okja. The company that created Okja , Mirando, has invested a lot of money in crafting a creature that is environmentally conscious with a minimal carbon footprint that tastes great, and now they plan on harvesting Okja to make billions for themselves, but Mija is not about to let the company take her friend. The film is one of the weirdest I’ve seen in a long time, but thanks to top-notch directing from Writer/Director Bong Joon-Ho from a great screenplay by him and Jon Ronson, Okja is a powerful ride from beginning to end.

 

  1. Dunkirk

Dunkirk is a film made for the theater experience. I was lucky that a colleague of mine got tickets to the 70mm/IMAX presentation and I was floored by the majesty of it all. The scenes in the air were breathtaking. The sequences on the beach were thrilling. The scenes on the boat were emotional. The whole film experience was astounding. Then, I watched it again when it hit home video. The film is still exhilarating. Even with the loss of the massive screen, this is a tightly-packed narrative that has so much going on but still feels so focused.

 

  1. Blade Runner 2049

-Who would’ve guessed that a sequel to a cult classic sci-fi thriller would be good? Blade Runner 2049 is even better than the original! How the hell did that happen? Director Denis Villeneuve (Arrival, Sicario) takes what works about the original film and crafts a companion piece that stands on its own and connects really nicely to the original film. Blade Runner and its sequel become two sides of the same coin, a breathtaking double-feature that is well worth the lengthy runtime. Harrison Ford returns as Deckard and joins Ryan Gosling’s Agent K, providing some of the best work in either of their careers.

 

  1. Lady Bird

-Greta Gerwig directs Lady Bird with such realism that it brought me back to a time in my youth when I was very much like Saoirse Ronan’s Christine. This incredible coming-of-age story feels like it’s the first of its kind in a world where dozens of similar films are released each year. The terrific chemistry between Christine and her mother is palpable and real. The film wanders through Lady Bird’s life as she encounters situations that many of us have been through in this interesting semi-autobiographical look at adolescence from a fantastic up-and-coming director.  I can’t wait to see what she does next.

 

  1. War for the Planet of the Apes

-How the hell did Planet of the Apes craft one of the best trilogies of all time? How does that happen? Matt Reeves takes on his second film in this franchise following Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, and after having seen a few times, I can honestly say that War tops it. Andy Serkis is an actor who deserves performance credit for his role as the immensely complex Caesar, and he is matched on the battlefield by the chameleon that is Woody Harrelson, a man that can be joyful in one instant and terrifying in the next. Matt Reeves should be considered one of the hottest acts in Hollywood right now for his recent track record, and I look forward to his take on The Batman (if it ever does happen).

 

  1. The Big Sick

The Big Sick has been a critical darling since it was released in early 2017. The story, based on true events, is a dramedy based on the relationship of Kumail Nanjiani and his wife Emily. The movie mixes emotion and comedy to present one of the best and truest representations of love I’ve ever seen. The performances in it are all fantastic, especially Holly Hunter and Ray Romano as Emily’s parents. The Big Sick has a lot of award consideration and I’d be more than happy to see it take away some Oscars when the time comes as it hasn’t had a wide viewing outside of the general film community, and a few statues may help with that.

 

  1. The Shape of Water

-I hadn’t even heard of The Shape of Water at the beginning of 2017. In fact, it was only during an interview for The Bye Bye Man that Doug Jones even dropped he was working on a fish romance film with Guillermo del Toro that I even knew of the film’s existence but little else. Thankfully, late last year I was able to catch a screening for the film, and I just fell in love with it. I had always said that Pan’s Labyrinth would likely be del Toro’s masterpiece, but The Shape of Water is just so personal and lovely and strange and beautiful that I couldn’t get it out of my mind long after my initial viewing. Doug Jones, like Andy Serkis, won’t garner awards recognition for his work here and that’s a shame. Thankfully, Sally Hawkins, Richard Jenkins, and Michael Shannon turn in career-topping work here and the film is getting a lot of talk now. See this movie. It’s the best film of 2017.

 

Well, there you have it. These are my favorite films of the year. I look forward to #2018oscardeathrace to begin, and I may see a few favorites get knocked off as I continue catching up on what I missed in 2017, but overall, it was another great year for films. We’ll see you in 2018 (which is like, right now).

 

-Kyle A. Goethe

 

 

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[Batman Day] [Editorial] The Batfleck Situation

Hey goat herd,

I’ve been pretty busy as of late so I don’t have a new Batman movie review for you today.

I did, however, want to take a few minutes to discuss the controversy surrounding Ben Affleck’s future in the DCEU. So I’ll start with this…

I love Ben Affleck’s portrayal of the Dark Knight. I think he was the best of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. The movie had a lot of issues but not a single one stems from Affleck’s acting performance. I think it’s absolute bullshit all the hate he got for taking the role. He’s a lifelong fan of Batman, and the way fans have treated him is unjust and cruel. I really wish he could find joy in the role again.

Now, I’ve heard a lot about whether or not Affleck will continue as The Batman, and I personally believe he isn’t done with the role yet. For starters, Justice League is the second film of his three-picture contract (I’m pretty sure his cameo in Suicide Squad had nothing to do with his contract). So he has one Batman standalone left. Now, yes, Warner Bros. and DC may choose to release him from his contract early, but I don’t think they are ready to give up on him yet. And money talks. Maybe Warner Bros. drops a big stack of cash on him and he accepts. I refuse to believe that his engagement with the role has dwindled so quickly.

But what do you think? Is Ben Affleck the Batman we need? Who else could take on the Caped Crusader in his absence? Let me know/drop a comment below. Happy Batman day.

 

-Kyle A. Goethe

[Editorial] Yes, I’ve Seen Footage from Transformers: The Last Knight

Hey everyone, I thought I would share some takeaways from a recent screening I attended in which Transformers: The Last Knight footage was revealed. I should note that we were told early on that some of the footage was incomplete, but overall, I got the sense that most of it was.

The footage started with an introduction from director Michael Bay who walked the audience through the process of creating and filming with IMAX 3D cameras, and he informed us that this film was the first to be entirely shot in IMAX 3D.

We are then presented with what I expect to be the opening, involving King Arthur battling a Cybertronian dragon and a major battle in the past.

We also see the introduction of Izabella and her Autobot friend Sqweeks as well as Canopy, the garbage-Autobot revealed in promotional material. Canopy seems like a tremendously stupid idea, but I liked what I saw from Izabella and Sqweeks.

We are reintroduced to Cade Yeager (played by Mark Wahlberg), who returns from Transformers: Age of Extinction, who has now taken up residence at a junkyard with Bumblebee and Grimlock, the Dinobot recently introduced in the previous installment. Grimlock seems to be taking on the personality of a pet dog, which I thought was kind of funny, but I also imagine that it won’t make the fanbase too happy.

We also got our first look at Anthony Hopkins’ character as he is the one who sets Cade on his quest. He also has some fun rapport with his Autobot caretaker which I though was pretty good.

All in all, there weren’t a whole lot of surprises in the viewing, but at least I didn’t have a whole lot of groans. The movie looks like standard Transformers fare, but at least it has a new writing team after the writer’s room created 14-plus Transformers films over a year ago. Let’s just hope Michael Bay didn’t inject too much bayhem here.

Are you excited for Transformers: The Last Knight? What’s your favorite installment of the franchise? Let me know/Drop a comment below!

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