Nurse (2013)

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Director: Doug Aarniokoski

Cast: Paz de la Huerta, Katrina Bowden, Corbin Bleu

Screenplay: Doug Aarniokoski, David Loughery

84 mins. Rated R for bloody violence, strong sexual content, language and some graphic nudity.

 

Someone get me a Doctor! I’m suffering from a horrible disease called Terrible Film! It can remove up to 84 minutes from your life! Seriously, folks, this is one naughty nurse and one awful movie!

 

Nurse tells the story of Abby Russell (Paz de la Huerta, Enter the Void, A Walk to Remember), a nurse by day, and scheming, murdering slut by night. I’m not really sure if this film has much of a plot other than that. She does have a strange sexual(?) obsession with another fellow nurse, played by the lovely Katrina Bowden (Tucker & Dale vs. Evil, Scary Movie 5), which causes a rift between her and the token boyfriend, played forgettably by Corbin Bleu.

I won’t waste much time on this review, as you can probably tell my thoughts already.

Nurse_3D_Official_Trailer

The acting is horrible. Abby Russell speaks to the audience like she is having a tantrum. She just reads on and on and on without anything more than a Blegh! feeling. Literally, her performance feels like she has other better things to do than act, and hopefully she does, because Paz de la Huerta is kind of sucking at her day job. Bowden doesn’t do much better, and by the end of the film, most of the performances seem like cameos by comparison to the rotten screen time devoted to Abby. It seems like a veritable Whos-Who of actors being flushed down the toilet bowl of Hollywood obscurity. I actually kind of forgot that Bleu was even in the film until I sat down to write this. Imagine 84 minutes of this.

Arniokoski does a horrible job of commanding the film. I had to keep checking my watch to see if it was even close to finished. Mostly, it wasn’t. This film drags on, which is more disappointing considering the runtime.

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All in all, Nurse is a forgettable film with an ignoble aspiration. Aaniokoski is trying to make a film so bad it’s good. There have been many that have tried, but you don’t make these kind of movies on purpose. They have to be lucky, or perhaps unlucky, coincidences. Skip this film and see something worthy. Anything please. If you have to sit through it, do yourself a favor. Order a hit of morphine.

 

1/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

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