Director: Tom Six
Cast: Dieter Laser, Lawrence R. Harvey, Robert LaSardo, Tom “Tiny” Lister Jr., Jay Tavare, Eric Roberts, Bree Olson, Clayton Rohner
Screenplay: Tom Six
102 mins. Not Rated.

Why do I do this to myself? I know what I’m getting into. I’m like the guy who eats a chili cheese dog knowing what it does to his stomach. It’s a bad idea, and yet, I’ve completed watching The Human Centipede films. Please, Tom Six (The Onania Club), do not make a fourth.

Bill Boss (Dieter Laser, November) is the psychotic warden of the George H.W. Bush State Prison, and he’s sick of these repeat offenders and the broken prison system that goes too easy on people, in his mind. After his accountant, Dwight (Lawrence R. Harvey, ABCs of Death 2), shows him The Human Centipede 2, they formulate a plan to safely put prisoners into a Human Centipede of their own with the ability to safely extricate them when it’s time for release. Boss is certain that this will save the prison money on food and also deter repeat offenders. He knows that Governor Hughes (Eric Robers, Babylon) will need convincing, so he decides the begin the project to prove it will work.

The Human Centipede 3 is only slightly less terrible than the previous film, though it’s so madly over-the-top that it’s hard to tell if the film is supposed to be comedy. I get the idea that Tom Six thinks he’s a brilliant writer and director, and that’s why each sequel in this series praises the previous films and the filmmaker. Some might argue that he’s in on the joke, but I’m not so certain. The idea of using the prison system as a location for this experiment is a clever one, but the satire is far too broad, and I’m not sure that Six knows how to use the satire to its full effect.

Still, Laser and Harvey have good chemistry, and there is strangely a higher pedigree of performer in this film, with “Tiny” Lister Jr. and Eric Roberts (That’s right, two actors from The Dark Knight are in The Human Centipede 3) and a number of the inmates are more notable character actors, and they are all certainly putting in the effort.

The Human Centipede 3 is not a good movie at all, and the greatest death in the film is, hopefully, the series itself. It is, however, slightly better than its predecessor, and there are a few solid performances, though they aren’t given much to do, especially with the abysmal ending that feels like Tom Six ran out of ideas and hoped we wouldn’t notice if he just ended the movie. I’m pleading, praying, that we don’t get another one of these movies, but this filmmaker likes to punish people, and I’m not sure he can come up with anything else.

1.5/5
-Kyle A. Goethe

• For my review of The Human Centipede (First Sequence), click here.
• For my review of The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence), click here.