[31 Days of Horror Part V: A New Beginning] Day 6 – Birdemic 2: The Resurrection (2013)

Director: James Nguyen

Cast: Alan Bagh, Whitney Moore, Thomas Favaloro, Patsy van Ettinger, Chelsea Turnbo, Brittany N. Pierce, Thuan Luu, Aaron Pressburg, Sam Hyde

Screenplay: James Nguyen

90 mins. Not Rated.

 

So, took me some time to see Birdemic 2: The Resurrection. It’s not what I didn’t want to see it. I watch the first film just about every single year during October. It’s just a tough film to find when you don’t really want to spend money on it. Well, spend enough time searching on streaming apps and you will find true happiness…and also Birdemic 2.

Birdemic 2 picks up some time after the original with Rod (Alan Bagh, Highway to Havasu, The Mad Whale) and Nathalie (Whitney Moore, House of Demons, Another Yeti a Love Story: Life on the Streets) living their best lives together. Actually, they really don’t catch up that much as we are somehow focused on a worse version of them with Bill (Thomas Favaloro) and Gloria (Chelsea Turnbo, The Other Woman, Del Playa). Bill is Rod’s new friend (and maybe clone). Well, we focus on these four until the birds start attacking for no reason. It’s not the same birds this time around (yes it is). This time, they are prehistoric eagle things. And there are zombies. Because of course there are.

Several movie groups have voted Birdemic 2 as the #1 most unwatchable movie of all time, and I can’t disagree with them on that. This is horseshit. Seriously, I cannot stand watching this movie. This is one I cannot even suggest to others for a bad horror movie night. This comes from a guy that regularly pushes the original Birdemic on other people. I unabashedly hate this movie.

Everything is worse here, from the people to the plot. The most heinous crime is somehow believing that director James Nguyen (Julie and Jack, Replica) can both learn from his mistakes and become self-aware enough to grow out of them. Everything plays out the exact same way but a storyteller with more tact would be able to use this to make a more enjoyable so-bad-it’s-good experience. Birdemic 2 is more along the lines of so-bad-it’s-somehow-even-worse-and-it-keeps-getting-worse-as-it-goes-on-and-oh-great-here’s-the-treehugger-from-the-first-movie-what-purpose-does-he-even-serve-here. Yeah, that bad.

I guess I did it to myself, thinking that I could enjoy this movie. I deserve this. But if there’s a silver lining, and I guess there is, it’s that I may have saved you from this horrible fate. It’s the thought that you wouldn’t subject yourself to…

What are you doing?

No. Don’t watch it.

No!

NO!

NOOOOO!

 

0/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

 

 

For my review of James Nguyen’s Birdemic: Shock and Terror, click here.

 

For more Almighty Goatman,

31 Days of Horror: Day 28 – Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2008)

birdemicshockandterror2008a

Director: James Nguyen

Cast: Alan Bagh, Whitney Moore, Janae Caster, Colton Osborne, Adam Sessa

Screenplay: James Nguyen

105 mins. Not Rated.

 

Sometimes, on very rare occasions, a movie comes along that it so good that it changes the way you look at every other movie you will ever see; it becomes a comparison to everything that came before and everything that will come after. On the flipside of that coin is Birdemic: Shock and Terror, a movie that is so bad that, for the rest of your life, any film you ever see will be followed by a comparison as to how bad it really is under Birdemic’s light.

birdemicshockandterror2008c

Rod (Alan Bagh) is a sales man for a very stupid company that isn’t even entirely described but he just made them a million dollars. Nathalie (Whitney Moore, A Horrible Way to Die, The Theater Bizarre) is a model-in-training who has just been given a chance to work for Victoria’s Secret. The two have a chance encounter that drives them together. Unfortunately, a bunch of freaking birds start attacking Half Moon Bay, and Rod and Nathalie are called upon to save the day…or whatever.

Writer/director James Nguyen (Julie and Jack, Replica) is a terrible filmmaker who got the idea for Birdemic from watching the movies The Birds (he is a big fan of Alfred Hitchcock) and An Inconvenient Truth (he must also be a big fan of Al Gore) and thought to himself, “Huh. I could put these things together and it will be brilliant.” His version of brilliant is different than ours. He has a pointless movie bogged down by an awful screenplay and a hand with being completely oblivious to editing software. His cinematography makes found footage look Oscar-worthy. His lighting is something that you might get from a couple of flashlights found at a dollar store. His music…well, I can say that you need to get this soundtrack from itunes (it only costs about two bucks). His special effects…wait, they need their own section…

His visual effects are GIFs. Literally, the birds are on the screen cawing and flapping but not actually moving. They make plane sounds and explode on impact. They spit acid. They emit smoke like a helicopter going down. They turn impossibly. They…are just terrible and wonderful and…actually quite indescribable. You just need to see them.

birdemicshockandterror2008b

This movie is garbage. Nguyen actually put Ms. Tippi Hedren (of The Birds) in the credits and the video case when she had actually appeared on a television set featuring scenes from Nguyen’s other film Julie and Jack. He made up names or put friends’ names into the credits to make the film look more impressive than it actually is. Yeah, I’m serious here. A terrible movie.

 

1.5/5

Wait, I’m not done here. This movie is terrible, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t see it. I’ve seen it several times now and it is so bad that it is worth watching at underground midnight showings in old dusty theaters with callbacks and cheers and food and booze and fun. This movie is so terrible that it is actually a lot of fun to watch it in groups. Seriously. Watch it (it is worth the extra .5 points), but perhaps get a few beers first. For safety.

 

-Kyle A. Goethe

 

For more 31 Days of Horror, click here.

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