[Happy 10th Birthday!] The Longest Yard (2005)

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Director: Peter Segal

Cast: Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, James Cromwell, Nelly, William Fichter, David Patrick Kelly, Tracy Morgan, Cloris Leachman, Burt Reynolds

Screenplay: Sheldon Turner

113 mins. Rated PG-13 for crude and sexual humor, violence, language and drug references.

 

I think The Longest Yard was an interesting choice for a remake. Technically, my rule on remakes is that one should remake a film if it has faded into obscurity or not succeeded in making a noteworthy film to begin with. I know that the original film The Longest Yard was somewhat successful upon first release, but by 2005, it wasn’t a talked about film.

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The Longest Yard is the story of Paul Crewe (Adam Sandler, Grown Ups, The Cobbler), a washed-up ex-professional football player who has just been imprisoned. There, he is offered the chance to earn some brownie points and possible early parole by Warden Hazen (James Cromwell, The Green Mile, Big Hero 6). All he has to do is recruit a team of convicts to play a game of football against the guards. Paul makes nice with Caretaker (Chris Rock, Head of State, Top Five) and an older coach, Nate Scarborough (Burt Reynolds, Boogie Nights, Delgo) and proceeds to turn a rough-hewn group of criminals into a well-oiled footballing machine in this remake from Peter Segal (50 First Dates, Grudge Match).

The biggest fault of The Longest Yard is the aging process for an Adam Sandler movie. Adam Sandler’s films, with a few notable exceptions, do not age like a fine wine, but rather an open beer bottle. The jokes become less enjoyable as time goes on, and they start to turn from funny to annoying. There are still some hits that work, but ultimately, I groaned more than giggled. I surprisingly enjoyed Chris Rock’s performance as Caretaker, and unsurprisingly I had fun watching James Cromwell and Burt Reynolds let loose.

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Peter Segal isn’t the kind of director to thrill, but I thought he handled the action scenes during the football game pretty well. Ultimately, however, the film felt tame, having a lot less grit than its predecessor. I found it enjoyable enough for one viewing, but after another ten years, I don’t think I could do it again.

 

2/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

The Boxtrolls (2014)

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Director: Graham Annable, Anthony Stacchi

Cast: Isaac Hempstead-Wright, Elle Fanning, Ben Kingsley, Toni Collette, Jared Harris, Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Richard Ayoade, Tracy Morgan

Screenplay: Irena Brignull, Adam Pava

96 mins. Rated PG for action, some peril and mild rude humor.

  • Academy Award Nominee: Best Animated Feature Film of the Year

 

Today, I have the pleasure of talking about the seventh-best film featuring Simon Pegg (Shaun of the Dead, The World’s End) and Nick Frost (Paul, Cuban Fury). This is the kindest I’m going to be on this.

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In The Boxtrolls, we get to meet…well, the Boxtrolls, a group of creatures similar to the Borrowers or the Underpants Gnomes in that they sneak up to the surface and steal objects from the humans. Also, they wear boxes. It is also the story of Eggs (Isaac Hempstead-Wright, TV’s Game of Thrones, The Awakening), a boy left in their care as a baby and raised by the creatures. Eggs heads up to where the humans reside in an attempt to keep his family safe from the diabolical Archibald Snatcher (Ben Kingsley, Schindler’s List, Dragonheart 3: The Sorcerer’s Curse). In doing so, he meets Winnie (Elle Fanning, Maleficent, We Bought a Zoo) and the two team up to save the Boxtrolls.

I struggled through this film. It was tough. I kept telling myself it must get better; it was nominated for an Oscar. It didn’t get better though. The only scene that blew me away was the end credits in which Mr. Pickles (Richard Ayoade, TV’s The IT Crowd, The Watch) and Mr. Gristle (Tracy Morgan, TV’s 30 Rock, Accidental Love) discuss the meaning of life as the filmmakers construct the scene around them. It is a testament to the hard work and dedication by the animation team, and that part I will agree comes through. The animation is amazing. The technology has improved even upon the impressive ParaNorman.

Beyond the animation and visual look of the film, there really is nothing left in this casket of a movie. The voice work is fine enough to get by, but this story just goes nowhere. It feels like someone threw several plot pieces onto the screenplay just to see if it would come off as quirky. Quirky it is. Good it is not.

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The Boxtrolls is a technical marvel indeed, yet it isn’t an animated film worthy of the statue or even really the nomination. It looks good, but like an aged cheese, it leaves an odd taste in the mouth.

 

1.5/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

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