The Dead Don’t Die (2019)

or “The Living Don’t Entertain”

Director: Jim Jarmusch

Cast: Bill Murray, Adam Driver, Tilda Swinton, Chloë Sevigny, Steve Buscemi, Danny Glover, Caleb Landry Jones, Rosie Perez, Iggy Pop, Sara Driver, RZA, Carol Kane, Selena Gomez, Tom Waits, Austin Butler

Screenplay: Jim Jarmusch

104 mins. Rated R for zombie violence/gore, and for language.

 

The Dead Don’t Die might have the greatest cast of 2019, but everyone in the film is a guest star in someone else’s movie, but no one knows who that someone is.

In the sleepy and small town of Centerville, the dead have started to rise. Polar fracking has caused the Earth to fall of its axis, causing strange phenomena like sunlight at odd hours or cell phones dying, and of course…zombies. Chief Cliff Robertson (Bill Murray, Lost in Translation, Ghostbusters II) and Officer Ronnie Peterson (Adam Driver, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, BlacKkKlansman) don’t know how to stop the phenomenon, and Ronnie has a feeling that this is going to end up bad. The only residents in town that seem to understand the stakes are Hermit Bob (Tom Waits, Seven Psychopaths, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs) and a mortician with swordplay skills named Zelda (Tilda Swinton, We Need to Talk About Kevin, Avengers: Endgame).

The first sin of this zombie comedy is boredom, and it is visited upon the audience rather quickly. I never would have thought a zombie film with this impressive cast could bore, but it did. Director and screenwriter Jim Jarmusch (Broken Flowers, Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai) seemingly pays tribute to zombie history in film, but he does it with what feels like an ineffective laziness, never really giving his zombies any bite. His tone is never struck sharply enough to affect the viewer. It’s clear that he studied the genre, but he never delivers on any of the elements the genre requires. His knocks on the current political climate work well enough, from the Make America White Again hat worn by Farmer Frank (Steve Buscemi, Fargo, TV’s Miracle Workers) to the claims of Fake News on the television concerning the cause of the rising dead.

As I said before, most of the cast listlessly moves through the film with deadpan wit. Some of the jokes work, but most do not, and the way the film is written, with Driver and Murray aware that they are in a film, is neither executed fully nor elaborated beyond three lines of jarringly useless dialogue. If that had been the full conceit, that some of the actors knew they were in a zombie film and understood the rules, that would be one thing, but it is never elaborated on enough to really mean anything. In fact, the characters would behave no differently in the film if I had replaced the zombie problem with something like one of them forgetting to turn off the oven at home.

The Dead Don’t Die has moments of greatness, but they are few and far-between. The cast is wasted on a subpar script and an attitude that shows no real love for the genre. Boring is a tough thing to achieve when you have creatures eating human flesh, and it that was the goal, it was met.

 

2/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

Trailer #2 for The Old Man and the Gun Showcases Robert Redford Feel-Good Old Guy Movie

I’m still not entirely sure what to make of The Old Man and the Gun. It seems like a typical Feel-Good Old Guy Movie like The Bucket List or Last Vegas, but then you look at David Lowery’s name on it and it changes.

Trailer #2 dropped for the upcoming film, and it showcases Robert Redford in what will be one of final roles before retirement. The film, which stars Redford as a lifelong criminal near the end of his journey still looking to make his inner youth proud, features an interesting flavor and style similar to films like this that we’ve all seen before, but the caliber of talent both in front of and behind the camera seek to stand out.

I found myself hesitantly enjoying this trailer. As I said above, there are enough elements of this film that interest me to take me into the idea that The Old Man and the Gun may be better than it’s being set up as. I liked seeing Redford share the screen with Tom Waits and Danny Glover as they plot a crime. I liked seeing him swoon Sissy Spacek. There are things I liked about the trailer, and knowing the film is from David Lowery doesn’t hurt either.

So I liked it. What did you think? Let me know/Drop a comment below! While you’re at it, let me know what your favorite Feel-Good Old Guy/Girl movie is.

 

-Kyle A. Goethe

 

 

For more Almighty Goatman,

Saw (2004)

Director: James Wan

Cast: Cary Elwes, Danny Glover, Monica Potter, Leigh Whannell, Michael Emerson, Ken Leung, Tobin Bell

Screenplay: Leigh Whannell

103 mins. Rated R for strong grisly violence and language.

 

Jigsaw is out now, the eighth film in the Saw franchise. Since Saw is one of my favorite series, I thought it best to revisit the convoluted mythology before attending the newest release.

Adam (Leigh Whannell, Insidious: Chapter 2, The Bye Bye Man) awakens in a tub in total darkness. He soon learns that he is in a large unknown bathroom and his leg is shackled to one corner. Shackled at the other end is Dr. Lawrence Gordon (Cary Elwes, The Princess Bride, Anna Nicole), another man who has no recollection as to how he ended up there. Lawrence and Adam are in a trap designed by the infamous uncaptured Jigsaw killer and that they must use all the tools they have to escape, even if that means cutting off their feet.

Saw is absolutely brilliant horror filmmaking. Director James Wan (The Conjuring 2, Furious 7) proves his worth in his first feature-length film based on a short he created with actor/writer Leigh Whannell. This is independent filmmaking at its finest, especially given the rushed schedule. The film had five days pre-production, the entire production schedule lasted eighteen days, and musician Charlie Clouser had three weeks to score the film. In essence, he created one of the most catching and memorable musical themes ever.

It’s extremely difficult to pull off a feat like this, with only two actors getting most of the screentime, but lead Elwes commands the screen and the whodunit nature of this first installment is exhilarating, as is the shocking finale.

Many people have taken issue with Saw’s reliance on gore over actual horror, and while it would be difficult to deny that, even the franchise’s haters can attest to the low level of gore in this first installment. It only came later that the increasing nature of sequels that the franchise got the reputation for torture porn (a term I will fight tooth and nail against).

Saw is a fabulous horror film, one of my absolute favorites. I watch it quite often as it is the best of the franchise. Wan’s masterful directing shows why he is such a name in Hollywood right now. If you’ve avoided Saw due to its graphic nature, I implore you to give it a try…if only a few minutes.

 

4.5/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

 

 

For my review of James Wan’s Insidious, click here.

For my review of James Wan’s The Conjuring, click here.

For my review of James Wan’s Furious 7, click here.

For my review of James Wan’s The Conjuring 2, click here.

 

 

For more Almighty Goatman,

Monster Trucks (2016)

Director: Chris Wedge

Cast: Lucas Till, Jane Levy, Thomas Lennon, Danny Glover, Amy Ryan, Rob Lowe, Holt McCallany

Screenplay: Derek Connolly

104 mins. Rated PG for action, peril, brief scary images, and some rude humor.

 

Ah, Monster Trucks, monster bomb…

Monster Trucks is the story of Tripp Coley (Lucas Till, X-Men: First Class, TV’s MacGyver), a high school senior in North Dakota who is building a pickup truck hoping to one day use it to leave town. When he discovers a mysterious creature who can power his truck, he calls it Creech, and works together with Creech and his attractive classmate Meredith (Jane Levy, Evil Dead, I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore) to keep Creech safe from the evil Terravex Oil and its slew of bad dudes.

I honestly didn’t hate the idea behind Monster Trucks. I didn’t really hate the trailers or any of the production stuff at all. To me, it didn’t seem any stranger than robots that turn into cars and people on strange planets seducing blue aliens. That being said, I knew this thing was going to fail. If there was ever a sure thing failure, this was it. I can’t really speak to how I knew, but after seeing the film, I can say this: it was really boring.

Everyone in the film was a cliché or flat character. There was no one interesting. The evil corporation was just that, but we don’t see enough from them to warrant their villainy. There just isn’t anything really dynamic about the film.

I talk a lot with colleagues about how family films and animated films should attempt more to cater to adults because that’s how you are successful. Most of the time, Monster Trucks fails spectacularly. Everything just comes across so silly. It just didn’t work.

So while I won’t condemn Monster Trucks for its premise or marketing, I cannot defend the boredom I felt throughout the entire runtime. I just needed it to be over. ASAP.

 

2/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

 

 

For more Almighty Goatman,

[Happy 5th Birthday!] 2012 (2009)

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Director: Roland Emmerich

Cast: John Cusack, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Amanda Peet, Oliver Platt, Thandie Newton, Danny Glover, Woody Harrelson

Screenplay: Roland Emmerich, Harald Kloser

158 mins. Rated PG-13 for intense disaster sequences and some language.

 

So 2012 came and went. We survived. This movie is now forfeit. My review of 2012 begins now.

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Our movie starts in 2009 as Adrian Helmsley (Chiwetel Ejiofor, 12 Years a Slave, Salt) discovers solar flares that somehow mean that the world is going to come to an end (I doubt the 45 minutes of expository science boils down to much). He makes Carl Anheuser (Oliver Platt, X-Men: First Class, Chef) and President Thomas Wilson (Danny Glover, Saw, Bad Ass 2: Bad Asses) aware of the Earth’s impending doom, and a plan is set into motion to do as much as possible to begins saving lives.

Flash forward to 2012. Jackson Curtis (John Cusack, Being John Malkovitch, The Bag Man) is a failing novelist who wishes to spend the weekend with his kids at Yellowstone. There, he comes across Charlie Frost (Woody Harrelson, No Country for Old Men, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1), a crazed conspiracy theorist who knows all about the end of the world. Then, the world starts ending.

2012 is a movie that you can get drunk with some friends and just watch things get destroyed. It is also a horrible movie signifying the death of director Roland Emmerich’s career (he had already decided to make this his last disaster movie, which leads me to the theory that he might’ve just made a list of all the shit he wanted to destroy before he quit it for good).

The effects are a true spectacle here. They are incredible. Although, I still found visual effects that created major plot holes in the sense that it seems that the Earth is hollow. This is a shitty movie. That’s all I can say here.

I like John Cusack and the rest of the cast here. I can at least see that they are having fun, and that’s all this movie really boils down to. There isn’t a lot of merit to be thrown around.

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When it comes down to it, I think 2012’s cult following will pick up soon, and people will enjoy it for what it is: a movie so bad it’s kind of fun. Not good, but fun-ish.

 

2/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

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