31 Days of Horror Part II: Day 7 [Bottom 100 Wednesday] – #99: Oasis of the Zombies (1982)

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Director: Jesus Franco

Cast: Manuel Gelin, Eduardo Fajardo, France Lomay

Screenplay: Jesus Franco

82 mins. Not Rated.

IMDb Bottom 100: #99 (as of 10/7/2015)

 

In the spirit of horror and one man’s journey to find the perfect film, sometimes one must sift through the shit to find the treasure, and in that way, we begin a new series today where I scour the worst 100 films of all time (according to the Internet Movie Database) to see if they really are the bottom of the bottom. We begin with #99 on the list in this 31 Days of Horror: Oasis of the Zombies.

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It’s tough to even tack down the plot of this garbage pile, but I’ll try. When a young man learns of his father’s murder, he sets off to find hidden Nazi gold that was lost decades earlier during World War II in the African desert. There’s only one catch, others are looking for the gold and they all discover that it is being guarded by the living dead Nazis themselves.

Generally, speaking, I’m going to make this review quicker by talking about the films high points.

There, now that’s settled, and we can talk about low points. The performances suck, the writing is sloppy, and the direction is so foul that I can get lost from shot to shot as to what the hell is exactly going on. The film hasn’t aged well as evidenced by the poor visual representation, and it feels like whole subplots were omitted mid-shoot. I found myself unable to care about any of the leads, and the music ruined every semblance of enjoyment I might have gleaned.

Oasis of the Zombies is, to be clear, awful in just about every way. I cannot be more clear about this.

 

But is it Good?

No, no it isn’t. Fun is Birdemic: Shock and Terror. Oasis of the Zombies is too poorly put together to be enjoyable in the slightest.

Can it be Fun?

There are a couple ways to liven up the party. First, a standard drinking game. Drink every time someone says “Oasis” (please drink responsibly). Another fun way: the film is foreign-language. Turn down the volume and get funky by creating your own dialogue. It could help.

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Oasis of the Zombies absolutely belongs on the list of the worst films of all time. It really really does.

 

1/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

 

For more 31 Days of Horror, click here.

31 Days of Horror: Day 28 – Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2008)

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Director: James Nguyen

Cast: Alan Bagh, Whitney Moore, Janae Caster, Colton Osborne, Adam Sessa

Screenplay: James Nguyen

105 mins. Not Rated.

 

Sometimes, on very rare occasions, a movie comes along that it so good that it changes the way you look at every other movie you will ever see; it becomes a comparison to everything that came before and everything that will come after. On the flipside of that coin is Birdemic: Shock and Terror, a movie that is so bad that, for the rest of your life, any film you ever see will be followed by a comparison as to how bad it really is under Birdemic’s light.

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Rod (Alan Bagh) is a sales man for a very stupid company that isn’t even entirely described but he just made them a million dollars. Nathalie (Whitney Moore, A Horrible Way to Die, The Theater Bizarre) is a model-in-training who has just been given a chance to work for Victoria’s Secret. The two have a chance encounter that drives them together. Unfortunately, a bunch of freaking birds start attacking Half Moon Bay, and Rod and Nathalie are called upon to save the day…or whatever.

Writer/director James Nguyen (Julie and Jack, Replica) is a terrible filmmaker who got the idea for Birdemic from watching the movies The Birds (he is a big fan of Alfred Hitchcock) and An Inconvenient Truth (he must also be a big fan of Al Gore) and thought to himself, “Huh. I could put these things together and it will be brilliant.” His version of brilliant is different than ours. He has a pointless movie bogged down by an awful screenplay and a hand with being completely oblivious to editing software. His cinematography makes found footage look Oscar-worthy. His lighting is something that you might get from a couple of flashlights found at a dollar store. His music…well, I can say that you need to get this soundtrack from itunes (it only costs about two bucks). His special effects…wait, they need their own section…

His visual effects are GIFs. Literally, the birds are on the screen cawing and flapping but not actually moving. They make plane sounds and explode on impact. They spit acid. They emit smoke like a helicopter going down. They turn impossibly. They…are just terrible and wonderful and…actually quite indescribable. You just need to see them.

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This movie is garbage. Nguyen actually put Ms. Tippi Hedren (of The Birds) in the credits and the video case when she had actually appeared on a television set featuring scenes from Nguyen’s other film Julie and Jack. He made up names or put friends’ names into the credits to make the film look more impressive than it actually is. Yeah, I’m serious here. A terrible movie.

 

1.5/5

Wait, I’m not done here. This movie is terrible, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t see it. I’ve seen it several times now and it is so bad that it is worth watching at underground midnight showings in old dusty theaters with callbacks and cheers and food and booze and fun. This movie is so terrible that it is actually a lot of fun to watch it in groups. Seriously. Watch it (it is worth the extra .5 points), but perhaps get a few beers first. For safety.

 

-Kyle A. Goethe

 

For more 31 Days of Horror, click here.

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