Tag: 1987

[31 Days of Horror Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan] Day 11 – Blood Diner (1987)

Director: Jackie Kong
Cast: Rick Burks, Carl Crew, Roger Daver, LaNette LaFrance, Lisa Guggenheim
Screenplay: Michael Sonye
88 mins. Unrated.

I’m not 100% certain of when I became aware of Blood Diner, but I remember that poster. I can’t even recall where I first saw it, but I love that poster. Then, while sick at home one day, I started watching In Search of Darkness, a pair of documentaries (with a third one on the way) celebrating the 1980s in horror, and there it was: Blood Diner. The film has been notoriously difficult to find at times, after a limited theatrical run, it went to VHS but took years to make the jump to DVD and then Blu-Ray. Well, as it turns out, I had a copy without even being aware of it, and knowing Blood Diner’s relationship to Hershell Gordon Lewis’s torture porn classic Blood Feast, I had to take the opportunity to highlight it this month.

Brothers Michael & George run a popular health food diner, but their patrons do not know that this eatery is a front for their true goal: a cannibalistic ritual to bring forth the ancient goddess Sheetar. Aided by their undead Uncle Anwar, the brothers prep for their ritual by collecting virgin body parts for their blood buffet, all the while evading detectives hot on their trail.

Blood Diner started out as a sequel to Hershell Gordon Lewis’s Blood Feast, but just before production began, the decision was made to treat the film as inspired by Blood Feast, but really being its own thing. Interestingly enough, the finished product feels more like a remake than anything else, and ironically, years later, Blood Feast got both an actual sequel and an actual remake, and now Blood Diner exists in its own place in the history of horror.

Let me start with this: Blood Diner is a bad movie. A very bad movie. To be honest, it’s been a few days since I saw it, and had I started writing this right after seeing the movie, I probably would’ve hated this thing. A few days, though, have given me some time to process the movie, and this movie requires processing, and I’ve come to the conclusion that this movie is kind of amazing. It’s bad. It’s maybe the perfect example of so-bad-it’s-good cinema. There’s just so much going on in Blood Diner that it’s hard to even comprehend it all, but I’ll try to explain it the best I can. That’s what I’m here for.

It didn’t shock me to learn that Blood Diner was shot in 3 weeks. That seems to be the style for filmmaker Jackie Kong (Night Patrol, The Underachievers). Her small but memorable filmography is littered with schlock that likely could’ve inspired Peter Jackson’s splatstick absurdity in years to come. Kong infuses Blood Diner with a ludicrous display of visual insanity that doesn’t always work, but if you’re in the right mood and you have a few friends and maybe a few brews and a solid amount of fast food, it could work.

But let me continue by saying the acting is pretty much atrocious by all, the logic gaps (which I believe are purposefully done) run aplenty, and the various visual gags are seemingly meant to turn viewers away. Tasteless may be the best term to describe what’s being put on display here.

So even though Blood Diner is a film you can “warm” up to (and I use that term lightly), there will be some of you that see it and cry foul. This will not satisfy everyone. In fact, it’ll probably turn most of you away. But the lunacy is still pretty fun, and the so-bad-it’s-good nature is something to be admired, as most films of that ilk that try to be bad just ending up being worse than you could imagine. Blood Diner is a special kind of bad, and since it is so tough to find on any media, be it physical or digital, that I have to recommend trying it if you come across it. It’s like the golden idol in Raiders, and horror fans are Indiana Jones. If we find something this rare, we must see it. Maybe that’ll sway you, maybe it won’t.

2/5
-Kyle A. Goethe

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Masters of the Universe (1987)

Director: Gary Goddard

Cast: Dolph Lundgren, Frank Langella, Courtney Cox, James Tolkan, Christina Pickles, Meg Foster

Screenplay: David Odell

106 mins. Rated PG.

 

So there’s going to be a new Masters of the Universe film in a few years. With that, I figured it was time to revisit the infamous 1980s incarnation starring Dolph Lundgren (Rocky IV, Aquaman). There are a lot of films that you can revisit years later and find a silver lining to. This will not be one of those reviews.

On the planet of Eternia, the villainous Skeletor (Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon, TV’s Kidding) have kidnapped the Sorceress of Castle Grayskull (Christina Pickles, The Wedding Singer, TV’s Break a Hip). He-Man (Lundgren) and his friends have a plan to save her, but when they fail to rescue the Sorceress, they escape using the Cosmic Key to a mystical place…called Earth. Now, they must recover the Key, return to Eternia, and defeat Skeletor once and for all.

This is not a good movie. It’s not good at all. Let’s start with literally the only thing that I think works in the film: Skeletor and Evil-Lyn. The two villains are pretty solid, even if they don’t get much to do. Langella is terrifically cheesy as Skeletor (his makeup effects are terrible, though) and Meg Foster (They Live, Overlord) is menacing as hell when adorned in her Evil-Lyn costume. I felt something almost Shakespearean in their portrayals, and in fact, they both site Shakespearean influences: Richard III for Langella and Lady Macbeth for Foster. While they both don’t have enough compelling dialogue or really much of anything to do in the film, I believe that they both put forth a solid amount of effort in elevating the material.

Now, onto the bad. First of all, I hate stories like this, where we take fantasy characters and remove the world, throwing them at Earth instead. Earth is boring, that’s why we go to the movies. Outside of Thor, this idea of traveling to Earth never works. It seems, for most of the film, that screenwriter David Odell (The Dark Crystal, Supergirl) knows nothing of the mythology of He-Man, and so removing Eternia from the equation makes us not have to worry about the mythology. Nothing that happens on Earth is interesting, whereas at least the stuff on Eternia has the ability to be engaging.

Then, there are distinct portions of the story that just don’t work. One of those elements is Gwildor, who replaces Orko from the source material. I just don’t understand why Orko is missing and this new incredibly annoying character has entered the mix. Gwildor is flat-out terrible.

The same can be said of this cosmic key device. Why is it necessary to the story to have the cosmic key played like a shitty synth musical instrument by everyone in the film? Why is this part of the story? It’s dumb and boring and serves no purpose.

I’d like to tell you that Dolph Lundgren plays He-Man well, but that’s not the case, and he’s the poster child for the lesson that you can look the part but you can’t always play the part. Lundgren survived most of the 1980s without any acting lessons, and if he’d taken the time to learn to perform, I think it would have served his career so much more than the brooding and the fighting.

Yes, just about everything in this film doesn’t work outside of Langella and Foster, and they’re doing their best. The studio had great faith in this film, and they had already prepped a sequel before this film under-performed. That sequel became the 1989 film Cyborg, but don’t ask me how that film was originally a Masters of the Universe sequel. This is a forgettable 80s film that should stay forgotten. Here’s hoping the new Masters of the Universe looks to this film for a case study of how not to handle the IP. Here’s hoping.

 

1.5/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

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[31 Days of Horror Part V: A New Beginning] Day 2 – A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

Director: Chuck Russell

Cast: Heather Langenkamp, Patricia Arquette, Laurence Fishburne, Priscilla Pointer, Craig Wasson, John Saxon, Dick Cavette, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Robert Englund

Screenplay: Wes Craven, Bruce Wagner, Frank Darabont, Chuck Russell

96 mins. Rated R.

 

A Nightmare on Elm Street was a huge hit, and while its sequel, Freddy’s Revenge, was financially successful, New Line Cinema realized that the second installment of this popular franchise missed the mark in more ways than one. So, they went back to the creator, Wes Craven , for help. He reluctantly answered. The next installment would have to be one that honored the roots of the series while adding a fresh spin. It’s something more franchises should hope to achieve.

Kristen Parker (Patricia Arquette, Boyhood, TV’s CSI: Cyber) is experiencing horrible nightmares at the hands of Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund, Lake Placid vs. Anaconda, The Funhouse Massacre). When her mother fears for her safety, she is admitted to Westin Hospital, a psychiatric ward run by Dr. Neil Gordon (Craig Wasson, Body Double, Akeelah and the Bee). There, she meets several other teens being tormented by Krueger. They soon learn from Nancy Thompson (Heather Langenkamp, Hellraiser: Judgment, TV’s Just the Ten of Us), a survivor of Freddy’s slayings, that Kristen and the others are the last of the Elm Street children, and Krueger has plans to rid them once and for all. But Nancy has a plan using an untested sleep disorder drug and bit of practice, she plans to turn the tables on Krueger using his very dream power against him. But can they stop him?

Dream Warriors takes the high-concept premise of the original Nightmare on Elm Street and stretches it into new directions. There’s a more fantastical element in this sequel that would permeate through the rest of the series, especially seeing the “Dream” version of our core characters. Director Chuck Russell (The Blob, I Am Wrath) expertly flitters between horror and fantasy in a really special way.

It’s great to see Langenkamp return in the role of Nancy. It adds a feeling of returning to this installment that the previous film was lacking, and when you include John Saxon (Enter the Dragon, From Dusk Till Dawn) reprising his role as Nancy’s father, it feels like wrapping up loose ends. I get the sensation that this was intended to be the final film of a trilogy, and it works in that way while continuing on.

Newcomer Patricia Arquette shines as Kristen. I just loved watching her perform (it isn’t hard to believe, everyone on set was in love with her). She has an innocence that she adds to the role and a nice character arc as she struggles with finding the strength to defend herself from the horrific Krueger.

What’s really kind of amazing are the cameos from Dick Cavett (Beetlejuice, River of Fundament) and Zsa Zsa Gabor (Queen of Outer Space, Moulin Rouge). These kinds of cameos don’t ever really seem to work, but perhaps it is the sheer absurdity of it all (Cavett said he wanted Gabor to appear with him as he found her so annoying and would never actually interview her in real life) that seems to work. It’s a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it kind of magic.

Dream Warriors was also a product of the 80s with its very own song performed by rock group Dokken. It’s a forgotten piece of marketing that I wish would come back. Lines like “Welcome to Prime Time, Bitch!” (Robert Englund famously improvised the dialogue) and the song “Dream Warriors” firmly plant this film in its time period.

I also have to credit the film for its incredibly unnerving special effects. There’s a sequence involving puppetry that, though it hasn’t aged perfectly, still works just as well. I have to mention the Freddy snake as well, phallic though it may be. This is an effects film done very well on a tight budget.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors forges a new path for its mythology and franchise trajectory, and it is one of the better installments in the series. Rooted in myth, horror, and fantasy, Chuck Russell’s film tortures its youthful cast of characters while developing each of them, even if some fall back to archetype as opposed to dynamism. It boils down to a film that is more fun the more you watch it, and it doesn’t lose its thrills for the sake of its more mystical elements. It’s a hell of a ride over 30 years later.

 

4/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

 

 

For my review of Sean S. Cunningham’s Friday the 13th, click here.

For my review of Wes Craven’s A Nightmare on Elm Street, click here.

For my review of Steve Miner’s Friday the 13th Part 2, click here.

For my review of Steve Miner’s Friday the 13th Part III, click here.

For my review of Joseph Zito’s Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, click here.

For my review of Jack Sholder’s A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge, click here.

For my review of Danny Steinmann’s Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning, click here.

For my review of Tom McLoughlin’s Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI, click here.

 

For more Almighty Goatman,

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31 Days of Horror Part II: Day 25 – Bad Taste (1987)

 badtaste1987b

Director: Peter Jackson

Cast: Terry Potter, Pete O’Herne, Peter Jackson, Mike Minett, Craig Smith

Screenplay: Ken Hammon, Tony Hiles, Peter Jackson

91 mins. Not Rated.

 

I’m a big Peter Jackson (The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The Lovely Bones) fan. I’ve really enjoyed the kind of art he can create on a budget. I will say, however, his early work leaves a lot to be desired. I guess there is a point in Jackson’s career that I start to love his work, The Frighteners. Bad Taste came before that point.

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In Bad Taste, the population of Kaihoro has been replaced by aliens who wish to harvest the humans for intergalactic fast food. The Astro Investigation and Defense Service recruits several agents to stop them.

This movie is just kind of bad. I didn’t like the wooden characters, the sound work is terrible, and I just didn’t find it very interesting. The idea can work, but I just didn’t see it happening here.

One important point to make is that director Jackson didn’t give up, filming the entire movie over the course of four years while working a regular job. That takes a lot of work, and I can respect that.

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Now, I cannot forgive Bad Taste for its boring film work, even if I liked the ending and the alien costuming was pretty interesting. There is a lot to improve upon, but it didn’t work nearly as much as it should have. What did you think, bloggies?

 

2/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

 

For more 31 Days of Horror, click here.

For my review of Peter Jackson’s The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, click here.

For my review of Peter Jackson’s The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, click here.

For my review of Peter Jackson’s The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, click here.

For my review of Peter Jackson’s The Lovely Bones, click here.

For my review of Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, click here.

For my review of Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, click here.

For my review of Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies, click here.

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[Oscar Madness] Beverly Hills Cop II (1987)

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Director: Tony Scott

Cast: Eddie Murphy, Judge Reinhold, Jurgen Prochnow

Screenplay: Larry Ferguson, Warren Skaaren

100 mins. Rated R.

  • Academy Award Nominee: Best Music, Original Song (“Shakedown” by Harold Faltermeyer, Keith Forsey, Bob Seger)

 

When Beverly Hills Cop became a downright hit in 1984, a follow-up became inevitable. At first, the idea of a TV series surfaced, but that was quickly shut down and a film sequel began production. 1987: Beverly Hills Cop II.

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Axel Foley (Eddie Murphy, Trading Spaces, A Thousand Words) is deep undercover back in Detroit to stop illegal credit card scammers when he hears that Lieutenant Bogomil of Beverly Hills has been gunned down by a group of thieves for getting too close. Now it’s off to Beverly Hills to stop them, with the help of Billy Rosewood (Judge Reinhold, The Santa Clause, Dr. Dolittle: Million Dollar Mutts) and John Taggert in this sequel from action director Tony Scott (Top Gun, Man on Fire).

First of all, how does this sequel compare to Beverly Hills Cop? It isn’t technically better, but it is bigger and a little crazier. The level of believability is pushed pretty hard a few times in this film, particularly during a high-speed chase involving a cement mixer. Eddie Murphy, Judge Reinhold, and John Ashton are a great action-comedy trio, providing laughs that come from the story rather than just jumping out of thin air. Jurgen Prochnow (Das Boot, Beerfest) and Brigitte Neilsen make some great villains as well.

I happen to love the Academy-Award Nominated song “Shakedown” and I think it adds to the musical score without completely redefining it. The great qualities of this film come from the fact that the great parts of the original film are kept intact while getting a fuel-injection of energy.

Tony Scott knows how to direct action, and he knows how to let the actors do the work.

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Now, is Axel Foley the next James Bond? Perhaps not. Axel Foley is a fantastic character and Beverly Hills Cop is a fantastic series…also “Shakedown.” “Shakedown” is awesome. That too.

 

4/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

 

For my review of Martin Brest’s Beverly Hills Cop, click here.

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[12 Days of Christmas] On the Second Day… Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987)

silentnightdeadlynightpart21987a

Director: Lee Harry

Cast: Jean Miller, Eric Freeman, Elizabeth Kaitan, James L. Newman

Screenplay: Lee Harry, Joseph H. Earle

88 mins. Rated R.

 

Sometimes, you get sequels that enrich the original film while furthering the ideas put forth by its predecessor. Sometimes, you get a sequel that spends its first half with flashbacks of the first film. Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 is the latter.

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After seeing his brother gunned down on Christmas, Ricky Caldwell (Eric Freeman, Children of the Corn) begins to display the same disturbed behavior that Billy had. As he is interviewed by Dr. Henry Bloom (James L. Newman, Flags of Our Fathers, Evan Almighty), Ricky describes the events that led him to a psychiatric hospital, all the while displaying his anger towards Mother Superior (Jean Miller) for her involvement in Ricky’s descent into madness.

This film makes absolutely no sense and nothing actually happens. There are plot holes galore, like the fact that Ricky is just able to walk out the front door of his asylum unnoticed.

Eric Freeman’s performance is nails on a chalkboard. He says his lines in the same monotone voice that would drive anyone he speaks with to a mental institution themselves. Beyond getting himself immortalized in a Youtube video forever, Freeman cannot act himself through the framing device of the film’s first half. He might have Voice Immodulation, so I guess I can’t blame him. No wait, yes I can.

Elizabeth Kaitan (Twins, Spy Hard) is another such actress, but she holds up slightly better in other movies, barely. We know why she is here, though. She shows up. She gets naked. She gets murdered. Standard Elizabeth Kaitan performance.

The trouble started with a poor original film for a sequel, followed by a low budget and a bad screenplay. They continue on with more blandness until your finished project is so bad that a drinking game was invented to get through it. DRINKING GAME: Drink every time Ricky adjusts his eyebrows. Drink responsibly, though, folks. He does this at least 100 times in the film. You have been warned.

 

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“GARBAGE DAY!”

 

Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 is just plain garbage. There you go.

 

 

1/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

 

 

For my review of Silent Night, Deadly Night, click here.

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