900 Posts is the Best Way to End the Year!

Hello everyone!

Yesterday, I published my 900th post on the site, and I just wanted to take a moment to thank you all for the amazing support over the past several years. When I started this site, I just wanted to get my love of film out of my head and onto the page. It was a hobby that’s become a pretty big part of my life and I’ve been able to share it with lots of people in the space. Thank you so much.

As per usual, I thought I’d look back on my Ten Most Popular pieces and share that list with you.

So there you have it. Quite a spread of popular pieces.

Now, let’s get to the pleading of it all. If you’ve enjoyed any of these reviews or really anything at all, help me out by liking my reviews, commenting with your thoughts, and sharing the reviews when you read them. It’s the easiest way to support independent content creators.

Thanks again, and we’ll see you at 1000.

-Kyle A. Goethe

December 29, 2019 0

[31 Days of Horror Part VI: Jason Lives] Day 25 – The Fog (1980)

Director: John Carpenter

Cast: Adrienne Barbeau, Jamie Lee Curtis, John Houseman, Janet Leigh, Hal Holbrook, Tom Atkins, Nancy Loomis

Screenplay: John Carpenter, Debra Hill

89 mins. Rated R.

This one does for fog what Jaws did for the water.

There’s a fog rolling into Antonio Bay on the eve of its 100th anniversary, and as soon as the clock strikes midnight, people start seeing strange things in it. Father Malone (Hal Holbrook, Into the Wild, Blackway) discovers an old journal in his church that tells him a terrible secret from the town’s inception, one that involves an old ship called the Elizabeth Dane and its captain, Blake. Now, the Elizabeth Dane has rolled into town on the fog, and its captain is out for vengeance. Radio DJ and lighthouse keeper Stevie Wayne (Adrienne Barbeau, Argo, Creepshow) is the only one who can warn the residents of Antonio Bay that danger is coming; she just hopes they’re listening.

The Fog is proof that director John Carpenter (Escape from New York, The Ward) can just about do anything. He has guys in costumes in a foggy atmosphere with glowing eyes, essentially just tall Jawas, and he makes them scarier than any current CGI could do (and we’re looking at you, 2005 remake to The Fog). It’s because he’s a smart filmmaker who solves problems. He knows that he is making a low-budget, possibly cheesy horror film, and so he chooses to shoot it in anamorphic widescreen Panavision in order to add to the grandeur of the gothically beautiful Antonio Bay layered in fog.

I like how separate Carpenter keeps things in this film. For the most part, Stevie Wayne barely shares the screen with anyone else. She gets her own slice of the story. Then, there’s the story of the hitchhiker Elizabeth (Jamie Lee Curtis, True Lies, Halloween) and Nick (Tom Atkins, Night of the Creeps, Drive Angry) as they try to uncover the mystery in the fog. Then, there’s the Father Malone sequences and the centennial sequences with Kathy (Janet Leigh, Psycho, The Manchurian Candidate) trying to keep the celebration together amidst the lingering danger. The film is filled with great characters in an insane situation. These individual “pocket stories” on their own would be great, but together they weave an eerie and creepy tapestry.

The Fog is truly brilliant. I can see why this is often called a Carpenter favorite. It’s a truly incredible little horror story that makes the ghosts (guys in costumes with glowing eyes) more terrifying than most other films could do with a bigger budget. John Carpenter is a horror maestro, and The Fog is just another master stroke.

5/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

For more 31 Days of Horror, click here.

For my review of John Carpenter’s Halloween, click here.

For my review of John Carpenter’s The Thing, click here.

For my review of John Carpenter and Tobe Hooper’s Body Bags, click here.

For my review of John Carpenter’s In the Mouth of Madness, click here.

For my review of John Carpenter’s Village of the Damned, click here.

October 25, 2019 3

600 Posts! A Very Special Thank You!

Hey everyone, there are more of you reading this now than there were four years ago when I started this whole thing, and yesterday, Lady Bird became my 600^th post here. I can’t believe it. I’ve been writing here for some time and I can’t thank you readers enough for all that you have contributed through kind words, thoughtful discussion, and interesting insight. I wouldn’t be here without you!

Here’s a look back at the most popular reviews or pieces that we’ve been a part of here.

It’s still a little crazy that the most-looked at review on this site is for a short film prequel to 2 Fast 2 Furious, but to each his own.

And now, for one more thing. There is nothing I would love more than for your continued contribution to the discussion. All film is subjective, after all, and I started this site to start those discussions. If you agree with me on a certain film, speak out, let me know what you love about it. If you disagree, let me know your opinion.

If you have anything you’d like to see in the future, please feel free to contact us here at almightygoatmanreviews@gmail.com. We would love to hear from you.

Thanks,

-Kyle A. Goethe

For more Almighty Goatman,

Email: almightygoatmanreviews@gmail.com
Facebook: Almighty Goatman Film Reviews
Twitter: @AlmightyGoatman
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January 26, 2018 0

Silent Night (2012)

Director: Steven C. Miller

Cast: Malcolm McDowell, Jaime King, Donal Logue, Ellen Wong, Brendan Fehr

Screenplay: Jayson Rothwell

94 mins. Rated R for bloody violence, some sexuality/nudity, language and brief drug use.

After the disappearance of Deputy Jordan (Brendan Fehr, Guardians of the Galaxy, X-Men: First Class) and rising count of corpses start popping up in town, officer Aubrey Bradimore (Jaime King, Pearl Harbor, Sin City: A Dame to Kill For) is tasked with hunting down a psychopath dressed as Santa Claus…on Christmas Eve of all days. Sheriff Cooper (Malcolm McDowell, A Clockwork Orange, Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness) doesn’t trust the unseasoned young cop, and Aubrey is forced to bet on her gut as a gruesome trail is uncovered, and the culprit may be tied to all of them.

In this, the remake to Silent Night, Deadly Night (though, to be fair, it seems like more of a reboot, but never mind that), we see how flimsy the original film really was. This story is riddled with plot holes disguising themselves as tongue-in-cheek homages to clichés but come off as mere problems with a mostly problematic film. So many half-answered plot threads, so many!

Thankfully, the cast understands the intended tone of the film, and most of them perform admirably, including McDowell and Donal Logue (TV’s Grounded for Life, The Reef 2: High Tide), who plays a drunk and lousy dime-store Santa suspected of being the murderous madman.

Unfortunately, I said most. Jaime King underperforms to an already poorly put together character and can’t handles the front seat of this ride. Her character merely fills up space.

I had fun with this film, as I did with the original it is based on, and I loved the rare send-ups to the original series with heightened my enjoyment. Altogether, though, Silent Night could have been more fun. It wasn’t.

2/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

For more 12 Days of Christmas, click here.

December 16, 2015 2

It’s Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown (1992)

Director: Bill Melendez

Cast: Jamie E. Smith, John Christian Graas, Marnette Patterson, Mindy Ann Martin, Jodie Sweetin, Phillip Lucier, Lindsay Bennish, Sean Mendelson, Deanna Tello, Matthew Slowik, Brittany M. Thornton, Bill Melendez

Screenplay: Charles M. Schulz

22 mins. Not Rated.

I’m not sure if you all know or not, but I’m not really into the whole Charlie Brown thing. I never really caught the bug for it. I like the original special for Halloween and Christmas, but overall, I’m not really pining to see them yearly. When I came across the second Christmas special, I was intrigued, but then I saw it. Now I know why people don’t discuss it.

It’s Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown is presented in a series of little moments chronicling the various characters getting ready for the holiday. On the surface, the special seems like an interesting idea. Unfortunately, the various vignettes don’t really takes us anywhere. Then, the entire framework takes a backseat to essentially a repeat of the original as the characters look for the meaning of Christmas. Sadly, the special goes nowhere.

I really wanted to take a chance on this second Charlie Brown Christmas special. It just went off the rails. There isn’t a through-line here to go on. I can see now why this special was originally abandoned before being salvaged back together.

1/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

For more 12 Days of Christmas, click here.

For my review of Bill Melendez’s A Charlie Brown Christmas, click here.

December 15, 2015 1

Jack Frost (1998)

Director: Troy Miller

Cast: Michael Keaton, Kelly Preston, Joseph Cross, Mark Addy, Henry Rollins

Screenplay: Mark Steven Johnson, Steve Bloom, Jonathan Roberts, Jeff Cesario

101 mins. Rated PG for mild language.

Hey everyone, another year, another 12 Days of Christmas! I’m glad you joined me on this ride again. Let’s begin by looking back on a film that I initially didn’t care for but wanted to revisit: Jack Frost.

No, I’m not talking about the horror film, but yes, one day I’ll show you that. This is the Michael Keaton (Birdman, Spotlight) film.

From director Troy Miller (TV’s Arrested Development, Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd) comes the story of a musician named Jack Frost (Keaton) who hasn’t been able to juggle his personal life with that of his family, including wife Gabby (Kelly Preston, Jerry Maguire, Casino Jack) and son Charlie (Joseph Cross, Lincoln, Milk). Then, one fateful snowy night, Jack is involved in an accident while driving home to set things straight with his family and dies. Yeah, you heard right, he dies. Deadzo. Then, the following year, as the Frost family struggles to cope with the anniversary of Jack’s death, something magical happens. We don’t really know what, but the important thing is that Jack Frost comes back in the form of a wise-cracking pun-filled living snowman. Jack has little time to set his affairs in order and right the wrongs of his life, so with help from his son Charlie, Jack sets out to prove he’s the “coolest” dad ever (hot damn, even I can’t believe I just wrote that).

On second viewing of Jack Frost, I was sad to find that my initial thoughts on the film hadn’t changed. I felt this strange feeling of disappointment that so much could go wrong here. I happen to think that Michael Keaton is one of the greatest and yet underappreciated actors currently working (and I love that he received such notoriety for last year’s Birdman), but I don’t think he had much to work with here. The script is so poorly written, giving way for too much fluff in a film that should be a dad trying to right his wrongs. For one thing, a ball is dropped by never letting Jack interact with his wife. Being a man back from the great beyond, I would want to see my wife, tell her I love her, and give everything I could to make her understand that I’m okay up there, but Jack doesn’t get to do that. Instead, he has a snowball fight, and a sledding scene, which could be fun, but give me something here.

I didn’t have a lot of problems performance-wise because I don’t think the fault can be placed on the performers. This script is riddled with disappointment.

And don’t tell me that the film is meant to be a heart-warming tale of a father and son, because I see what it wants to be and raise it a level by asking why the story exists. What’s the why here? Why did Jack come back? Why as a snowman? And why not let him have the chance to do something about this? This story seems like the biggest fudge-up in existence and makes whoever or whatever is responsible for Jack’s return seem like a jerk.

In the end, I had a lot of questions hanging after finishing the film even on the second view. The visual effects were pretty good for the time and haven’t aged that poorly, but under better scribes and the work of a better director, this story could have given our actors a playground to explore, but instead, we get a botched attempt at schmaltzy sentimentality that fails to connect to viewers.

1.5/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

For more 12 Days of Christmas, click here.

December 14, 2015 0

200 Posts! Many thanks!

Hey everyone!

Earlier this week, I crossed the 200 post mark, and I just wanted to take a minute to thank all my faithful readers for tuning in for all the craziness as I get used to this again. Below, you will see links to my Top 10 Posts of the last 200 posts. Thanks again! Keep reading and I’ll keep writing!

Lastly, I want to hear some feedback from my readers. Let me know what you want to see. I’m always looking for new ways to spark discussion!

March 8, 2015 0

[12 Days of Christmas] On the Twelfth Day… My Thank You

Hey everyone. I thought I would start this last day of Christmas to give you my thanks for this past year. I started writing this blog in January but I started planning on Christmas Day. I just wanted to thank you for reading, thank you for enjoying, and thank you for passing the word along. I want to thank you for reading that first post, for watching scary movies all October, and for counting down the 12 Days of Christmas. Thanks again!

Today, I just want to leave you with a thought. What is your Christmas movie of choice? Everyone seems to have a fave film that gets recycled every year. Mine, of course, is Christmas Vacation.

My girlfriend always watches Home Alone.

My sister-in-law is A Christmas Story.

So what is yours? Let me know down below. Merry Christmas! Here’s to 2015!

-Kyle A. Goethe

December 25, 2014 0

[12 Days of Christmas] On the Eleventh Day… Christmas Vacation (1989)

Director: Jeremiah Chechik

Cast: Chevy Chase, Beverly D’Angelo, Randy Quaid

Screenplay: John Hughes

97 mins. Rated PG-13.

So when people ask me what the ultimate Halloween movie is, I tell them it is Halloween. When they ask me what the ultimate Christmas movie, I tell them it is Christmas Vacation, the third film in the Vacation franchise from twenty-five years back.

It stars Chevy Chase (TV’s Community, Caddyshack) as Clark Griswold, the bumbling no-brained father of two and husband to gorgeous Ellen (Beverly D’Angelo, TV’s Entourage, American History X). Clark just wants one thing: to host the ultimate Christmas weekend for his extended family. He wants the hap-hap-happiest Christmas. Too bad he keeps running into problems, from a tree too big to an unwanted guest in the form of cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid, Brokeback Mountain, The Ice Harvest), from an overcooked turkey to a good ol’ fashioned kidnapping, Clark is in for one long holiday.

It all starts with a proven formula from comedy genius John Hughes (Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off). Hughes has been behind some of the best comedies of the 1980s. He spearheaded the original short story that started the film series. Hughes has a powerhouse screenplay here that differs in tone drastically from the previous installments. Toss in Chevy Chase, who just knows his character so well, and there is nothing that can stop this film. From the moment Clark appears onscreen, he makes the assertion that it doesn’t matter whether the tree he has picked is too big for his backyard as son Rusty claims, because it isn’t going in the backyard, it’s going in the living room, immediately addressing his inability to see things realistically.

Christmas Vacation is what the holidays are about, whether we like them or not. It is sendup to what we do for those we love and what we have to go through to survive. I love this film and I suggest it to anyone looking to close out the holiday the right way.

4.5/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

December 25, 2014 5

[12 Days of Christmas] On the Tenth Day… How to Celebrate Festivus!

[12 Days of ~~Christmas~~ Festivus!] On the Tenth Day… How to Celebrate Festivus!

Hey everyone, Happy Festivus!
For those of you that aren’t aware of Festivus, it is the Costanza version of Christmas (celebrated and observed on the 23rd of December) from the television series Seinfeld.

The Aluminum Pole

Instead of a Christmas Tree, set up an Aluminum Pole. We find tinsel distracting.

Festivus Dinner

For Festivus dinner, red food is preferred, like Beefarino (or Beefaroni from Chef Boyardee). Follow up with Tuna on Toast, Pretzels, and don’t forget Black & White Cookies for dessert (Look to the cookie).

The Feats of Strength

The Feats of Strength are an important festivity. Usually, the previous winner chooses a new target. It should be someone who hasn’t done it recently. If there is a discrepancy (multiple winners from different families or no winner present), the head of the house chooses an opponent. Until you pin me [insert opponent], Festivus is not over!

The Airing of Grievances

When you gather the family around the table, the head of the house or previous feats of strength winner gets to tell the family all the ways in which they have disappointed him or her over the past year.

Don’t forget “Festivus Miracles”

This is an event reserved for anyone not the head of household or feats of strength winner. You will know what a festivus miracle is when you see it. Trust me!

Don’t forget the Hennigans!

H-E-Double N-I…!

The Human Fund

Gifts for Festivus include gifts made as donations to The Human Fund.

Happy Festivus for the Rest of Us!

-Kyle A. Goethe

December 23, 2014 0